My Difficult Life As Louis Tomlinson's Sister

Chapter 27

I swallowed hard and walked with Louis to the front door where it rang. I faked my smile and sighed one last time before Louis opened the door.
"Mom." Louis said and smiled at mom and kissed her cheek gently.
"Louis! You look fablous like ever! And gosh you look taller than for a few months! Look at you! That's my boy! But gosh! Liz how do you look?! You look disgusting! Just look at you! I didn't see you since a few months and then all I see are bones and skin!" Ladies and Gentlemens this is my all so lovely mother. You see she really loves me.
"Nice to see you too mom." I mumbled and rolled my eyes.
"Well can we drive home now?" I hissed and walked towards the front door mom and Louis were allready on their way to the car, but some grinning curly haired boy stopped me.
"You didn't want to say goodbye to me?" He said in his sexy raspy voice which made me shiver.
"Ehmm..sure...ehm...sorry." I blushed and hugged him, inhaling his smell. Gosh how I will miss him. Harry will always be someone special to me, but I knew since the begining that I would never start to date a popstar.
"See you soon, love." Harry whispered in my ear and I blushed more which made him chuckle.
"Bye love." He whsipered as I walked out of the door. My whole body was shacking and I nearly began to cry. I am going to miss London so much.

The whole car drive was silente and I really hated it to drove with my mom back home. I didn't want to fucking see my room again. I didn't want to see my bathroom again. I didn't want to see the park again and of course I didn't want to see my old fucking class again!
Oh gosh there was the fucking house in front of me, how I hated it. I swallowed and looked back on my iPhone, my screen showed a countdown to something that will change my life and the life of millions of people. It will change everything. Only 13 days left till the big day.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice that my mom was already waiting for me in front of our big house. I sighed and walked out of the car and to the front door. I didn't look at my mom and walked inside and then upstairs where my room was.
I locked my room and looked around in my room. It looked so familiar but to the same time total strange.
Something catched my eyes and I began to cry. I couldn't control my self anymore. It made me remember how I hated my life and how this was the right decision... my old razor.
I took my MacBook out and opened Tumblr. It started today. My countdown on Tumblr.

Hey guys!
The next 13 days will be special. I will write every day something down like a diary... but a little bit more personal and much more showing my life so you can guess who I am haha!
In the end of the 13 days will be something really important and sad updated, well I think it's nice but maybe you think it is sad...whatever! I wish you a lot of fun! So here is the first upload!

13 days left...
13 days till the big day. I was thinking a lot about it... but I know it's the right decision and I know that nothing can change my mind and no one can stop me.
You know how it is? You know how it is to be one big fault. One big and ugly fault? You feel like shit. You feel like a monster. You feel like nothing is worth anymore. You don't think that anything in your life is important.. you don't care anymore..

*** next day ***

My day began like shit. I just lived the same life like before I left. Crying, cutting, vomiting and fighting with my parents. Posting stuff on Tumblr and go early to bed. That was my daily routine and I hated it.
Mom and dad asked me millions of times why I couldn't be more like Louis but I just ignored them and rolled my eyes. I wasn't like Louis and I will never ever be. I was my own person and I had my own character, whether they liked it or not. In the evening I posted my new daily post on Tumblr.

12 days left...
Words can hurt more than a slap in your face. Words are the most hurtful thing in the world and you should think twice before you say those words to someone.
I can remember that I thought it funny at first and laughed as they called me fat as I was younger and thicker, but it isn't funny. It changed my life as people began to call me words, it changed my life to here that I was fat. I began with starving and vomiting after meals and well...that was the beginning of my life with eating disorder. Only a short comment can take you deeper in a life with Ana and Mia... only one comment can change someones life. Think about it before you call me fat. Think about what you could course, only you. You would be the reason for all my pain. You would be the reason for all my crying in front of the toilet when I throw my meals up. You would be the reason for all the nights were I wouldn't sleep because of I feel like I would die every second because I was so hungry. So hungry from all my starving. Are you sure you will life with the guilt for my pain? Rethink it again before you say one of these words to me. Rethink whether you really hate me that much that you will course me the worst life in the world. Rethink it all. If you don't say this word to me, you will save a life. I think living as a hero is better than living as a killer am I right?

*** the day after ***

Louis tried to call me all day but I didn't answer the call. He even called mom and dad but I acted like I was sleeping all day. That's my life guys.
I didn't care about my weight anymore and just ate all of the time. Okay most of the time ended I with throwing everything up but sometimes I didn't and I was really proud when I didn't do it.
In the evening wrote I my next daily post on Tumblr.

11 days left...
Do you know Cat? No? Well, than listen good. Cat is friends with Ana and Mia. Cat is like the friend of them who comes like most of the time when you can't live with Ana and Mia anymore. Cat wants to show you that you are still alive and wants to help you with all your pain, well her definition of pain.
Cat is all the time with you. She covers your arms, legs, tummy and maybe other regions on your body. She thinks it's nice from her but it isn't.
Cat is a devil just like Mia and Ana. Cat is maybe worse because people can see it when you are friends with her. The most people don't see it when you are friends with Ana or Mia but when you are friends with Cat they will see it sooner or later because she covers soon enough your whole body with ugly scars and wounds... You don't know who Cat is so far? Well, it all starts with a razor...hope you understand.

*** The day after yesterday ***

I didn't know what to do as I should go to school than to hide in the park in the near of our house. I ended up high, drunken and crying because that all was too much to handle for me. I wasn't in a good mood since a few couple of days so what should I do? Well, I was never really in a good mood but I tried my best. Okay not really my best... but I tried it a little bit, okay?
I was planing it all as I went back home. My whole life was only thinking about this one thing. It will change everything. It must be perfect!
In the end of the day started I writing my new post.

10 days left...
Drugs. Drugs will help you to live the horrible life you are in. They will help you to smile a real smile and they try to make you see things different. Drugs are like your true best friends. They will cheer you up every time you feel like shit but to the same time are drugs horrible. You get addicted to them and can't live with them anymore. In the moment when you take it will be everything perfect but then when you can't take them for a little while will you end up shivering, crying, vomiting and you just feel like shit.
So when you think about it for a moment... drugs, eating disorders and cutting all end worse.
Maybe now you all ask yourselves why the hell I began that stuff? Well, it's just because of a few reasons which I will tell you tomorrow. So be patient!