My Difficult Life As Louis Tomlinson's Sister

Chapter 43

"I'm going to pick up Perrie, now." Zayn said after a while. We all were in the arena and did what we liked. LIam and Sophia were somewhere else, I don't even want to know what they did and where. Harry and Niall played with Lux. Louis and Eleanor kissed the whole time and were their embarrassing selves. I watched Zayn drawing a doodle and painted my nails while watching him.

"Okay." I said and and continued painting my nails in white. Zayn chuckled and walked towards Ben.

I know it's weird but I was so bored. It was my everyday routine so I didn't think it was that interesting to be on tour. So I got up from my seat and walked towards the tour bus. People were screaming my name but I didn't want to go to them.

I opened the door from the bus and walked towards my bunk. I laid down in it and started a movie. The movie was boring as well because I watched it like thousand times. I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. There was a really big chocolate cake in it and I licked my lips as I saw it. I mean one piece of it won't hurt me, right?

I took a piece from the cake and started eating it. It was really delicious and I took another piece of the cake. I couldn't stop eating it. I needed another piece. I totally forgot what I missed as I was starving myself. My breathing got heavier as I noticed that I couldn't stop eating it. I wanted to throw up so bad. I wanted to lose it again. The taste was enough of it, I didn't need it in my stomach any longer. I wanted it out. I wanted to have the feeling again. Feeling strong because I didn't eat. The pain of the hurting tummy. I liked these feelings. I liked them much more as the feeling I had right now. I wanted to be a strong person again. I know that my thinking was wrong in so many ways, but I knew that it was the only thinking I had which made me a little bit happy. I liked to not eat. I really did like it. I even kind of liked to throw up after my meals. I liked to pretend that everything was okay, but the reality showed other. But I liked to pretend.

That was when I knew that I would never ever be okay. It was the point I noticed that no trying, no pretending, no therapy would change anything. I would always have an eating disorder. I would never be healthy again. I would always be sick and no therapy could help me to get normal again.

"Lizzy?" I heard a voice and only then did I notice that I sat on the ground crying while eating the chocolate cake.

I looked up and saw Eleanor and Sophia in front of me: Just them. No boys.

"I can't do that." I said crying and continued eating. Eleanor and Sophia looked at me in shock. I guess they didn't expect me like that.

"The boys are going to come every second." Eleanor said to Sophia and she nodded. She knew what Eleanor meant with it.

Sophia walked outside the bus. I looked at Eleanor in panic. She smiled at me as she sat down next to me.

"She stops the boys from coming inside." She explained and I cried even more.

"Don't tell them, please." I sobbed and Eleanor smiled at me.

"I won't. I know it's hard to fight an eating disorder but you can do this Liz. You only need to want it. I know you don't want it. I feel it. I feel that you are not willing to stop it. I know that you want to have an eating disorder." Eleanor said and I looked at her with my big glossy eyes.

"Liz. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever meet in my whole life. You don't need that all. You look perfect." Eleanor said and I looked at her shocked. Why was she so nice to me? I was the biggest asshole to her. I was nothing more than mean to her.

"You are so nice to me. Why?" I asked her silently and she smiled at me and hugged me.

"I knew since the first second I saw you that you are a really broken girl. Nothing you said hurt me. I just felt sorry that you couldn't see what others see in you." Eleanor said and I looked at her with big eyes.