My Difficult Life As Louis Tomlinson's Sister

Chapter 50

"This was the best concert ever! Thank you so much!" Trisha said to me and I smiled at her.

"You are welcome." I said as she pulled me in her warm embrace.

"Thank you." Little Lily said as she hugged my legs. I kneeled down and hugged her tight.

"You will do this, sweetie. I have your moms number now. I can always call her and we can talk about a meeting. So I will see you again, sweetie." I said and Lily smiled happily.

"Can't wait to see you, Liz." She said and I smiled.

"I can't wait either." I said and kissed her forehead.

Ben brought them out of the stadium and I was now with Gina, Nela and their family alone in the front row.

"That was so freaking amazing! How Harry looked at you! Gosh it was so sick!" Gina cheered and I giggled.

"Yeah, they weren't that bad." I grinned and Nela gasped.

"Weren't bad?! They were so awesome! I can't find the right words! It was just, gosh! I don't know what to say!" Nela said and I giggled.

"Yeah, they were awesome." I said giggling. Peter came towards us and told us he would bring us backstage.

We walked with him backstage and a sweaty Liam walked towards me.

"Wasn't the little girl the girl from the meet and greet?" He asked me and I nodded.

"I saw tweets on Twitter about what you did. That was so cute of you, babe." Liam said and pulled me to a sweaty hug and I grinned.

"You are sweaty, bro!" I said and Liam laughed.

"It isn't that easy to do an concert and to not sweat then!" He said laughing and I giggled.

"That's true. One point for you!" I said and he grinned. He hugged Nela and Gina before excusing himself to go take a shower.

"We are going out tonight in a restaurant." Harry walked towards us and told us. He leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"That's cool." I said and Nela and Gina grinned happily.

***

The dinner was awesome and I was sad as it was over. Nela and Gina enjoyed it a lot and the boys asked them tones of questions about FanFics and about being a fan and that stuff. It was really funny to watch their faces as Nela and Gina told them story's and the boys were just shocked.

As I was back in my hotel room I saw that I had one missed call from Cara. I dialed her number and called her back.

"What's up?" I asked her as she answered her phone.

"You won't believe me! I just was out and there I got that call. Topshop asked me for your number because they wanted you to walk as special guest! I was like freaking out and gave them their number and they said they would call you tomorrow and oh my gosh!" Cara screamed in the line and my mouth flew open.

"What the fuck?! You're serious?" I asked her and I just heard her scream again.

"I'm more than serious and I'm not even high, girl!" Cara cheered and I started to laugh.

"I guess I believe ya." I said giggling and Cara chuckled.

"You can, girl." She said and I giggled.

We talked about some stuff for a little more and as we finished talking I was more than happy.

I walked to the mirror and smiled at me and this was the very first time I didn't see a fat, overweight girl. I saw the real me and this made me cry. I never saw myself like this in years. I saw my skinny - with scars covered - arms. My ribs which I could see through my top, my boney legs with a big thigh gap. I looked so weak and so - broken.

I collapsed on the ground and couldn't believe my eyes. It wasn't okay how people made me do this. How people let me look horrible just because it was 'trend'.

I bit my bottom lip angrily and slowly dressed in an oversize sweater. How could boys even find me attractive like this? Yeah ok since the beginning of the tour till now did I lose a lot weight again but still! How could, for example, Harry like me?! I looked horrible!

I walked out of my hotel room and slowly made my way to the elevator. I exited the elevator on the main floor and walked out of the hotel. I ignored everyone around me. I ignored people yelling my name. I just looked on the ground so that nobody could see my tears.

I saw fans outside the hotel but I ignored them. I walked to the nearest fast food restaurant and slowly took a deep breath. I noticed how much my tummy hurt. How much hunger I had.

I ordered a menu and sat in front of it for what felt like hours. It was the first time in ages I didn't want to eat a salad. It was the first time that I didn't want to throw up after eating it. I wanted to gain weight in the first time in ages and it was a weird feeling. I didn't know how to explain this feeling. It was relief, despair, anger, fear and fury. I was afraid of this weird feeling, I didn't know whether I liked it or not.

My iPhone rang the whole time but I couldn't accept the call. I needed to eat all of this first of all. It was so unhealthy and I didn't know how I should react to this.

After I finished the big meal I accepted one of the calls. I didn't know who it was.

"Lizzy?!" I heard a worried voice ask - Liam.

"Yeah?" I whispered weak and broken.

"Where are you?" He asked me and I swallowed.

"I don't know." I whispered truthfully. I didn't know what I was doing here. I knew it was a stupid idea to eat. My inner demon told me to go and vomit. To punish myself and self harm. All these voices talked to me again. It was horrible. It was like on really bad drugs.

"I hear voices." I whispered in my iPhone in a creepy, dark voice.

"Where the fuck are you?!" He yelled worried and I heard him run.

"In a fast food restaurant." I said laughing and everyone looked at me. I slowly got up and walked to the loo where I locked myself in. I started to laugh even harder.

"Can you imagine this?! Me - in a fast food restaurant?!" I asked him still laughing.

"It's like a bad joke!" I said now starting to cry.

"In which fucking restaurant are you?!" He asked me now with fear in his voice.

"I think 10 minutes away from the hotel." I said giggling.

"I ate one whole menu!" I said crying.

"My voices are killing me for doing this, Liam! I can hear them already. They tell me how stupid and fat I am! That I'm bad in everything I do! That I'm even to stupid to starve!" I said crying and I heard the door of the loo spring open and Liam stood in front of me.

He was breathless and just sat down next to me and hugged me. I cried even worse. I couldn't really calm myself. I was done with my life.

"What happened, babe?" He asked me while hugging me to his body.

"I got an call from Cara. She told me that Topshop called her and that they wanted my phone number because I should walk for them as special guest. First I was happy, but then all of the sudden as she hung up and I stood in front of the mirror it changed. I didn't see the Liz I always saw anymore. I saw an anorexic, weak and broken girl in front of me. I saw all my bones and didn't find it attractive anymore. So I searched the nearest restaurant - which was here - and ate something. I felt so weird because I ate. I heard all my voices again, voices who told me I was too weak. That I was useless and worthless. They told me I was fat, ugly and stupid and that I shouldn't stop starving and yeah here you are." I told him still crying.

"You know what that means, right? You are ready to be healthy again." Liam whispered happily and kissed my cheek.

"It will be hard as first, but you can do this! We will help you, Lizzy." He whispered and hugged me tight.

A tear streamed down my cheek because I didn't know whether to be sad or happy...