i'm a cheerleader.

thirty six

(Same trigger warning as last chapter)

-CJ's p.o.v.-

I texted, called and left Rebecca a few voicemails and still nothing. I didn't know if we were over or not. My heart had broken a million times since the moment she left my house. I sat outside my house in hopes she would come back and tell me she was okay and let me help her. I loved her so much and just wanted to see her happy. I hated knowing that she was going through all this stuff and I had no idea. I could have helped her, gave her a place to stay, food to eat, money in her pocket. I loved her and would do anything for her, so when I saw that she had texted me and said she was at the park, my heart jumped and I practically got up and sprinted to the park. It was only a few blocks away and my adrenaline was pumping it felt like nothing. I arrived in about 5 minutes and ran into the parking lot. I saw her car and slowed down to catch my breath. I walked briskly to her car and knocked on the driver's side window. No one was in the car. My heart dropped. I tried to open the door and saw the keys were on the handle. I grabbed them and opened up the car to see a pile of papers on the driver's seat. There was a small stack of papers on top of a notebook, both had my name on them. I grabbed the note and opened it up. I immediately saw it was Rebecca's handwriting. My heart sank as I began to read.

for cj,

at the time you are reading this you probably have a lot of questions. I would like to begin this by saying i am sorry, my love. i am sorry i never told you what was going on with me, i was scared you would leave me if you knew everything that was happening. but that doesn't matter now. i have made a decision that is best for both of us, i have decided to take my own life. i realised i have little to nothing to offer you, i was homeless, broke, unable to go and get a higher education, i wasn't good enough even for your parents to accept our engagement. that has to be for a reason. i was not accepted by my parents. or yours. being gay drove everyone away and all i wanted was to be accepted and loved. and im sorry i could not be strong for us.

I read the first paragraph and couldn't go on. I felt sick. I scanned over the next several pages and something in the last paragraph of the last page caught my eye.

so all that being said, i want you to live your life. i want you to go and get married and have a family like you always wanted. i want you to go and be happy, cj. tell our story. spread forgivness and acceptance. it may be too late for me but i want to maybe save someone else before it is too late. i love you more than anything in this world that has ever been or will ever be. please never forget that.

yours forever,

rebecca.

I read over the last paragraph over and over. Every time my heart broke a little bit more. I couldn't believe she had done this. Where was she? Had she done it at her house? Here? That's when it hit me. She had parked facing the lake. She loved the lake more than anything in this city. That's where she was. She was in the lake.

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I got out of her car feeling like I was going to vomit. I crouched down next to her front tires and threw up as I cried. I didn't know what to do, who to call, everything felt like I was in a nightmare. Then I glanced down at my engagement ring. I stared at it for a moment before taking it off and putting it in my pocket. I was going to call the cops.

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and dialed 911. As soon as a woman answered the phone it felt as if all the air had been taken out of my lungs.

"911, what is your emergancy?" The woman asked. I stayed silent. "Hello? Are you in danger?" It asked again.

"My fiance is in the bottom of a lake."