i hired a hitman on myself // joshler [✓]

XXXVI

by the time we got into the car, it was already mid-afternoon. it was hard to believe at first, but the fact that i overslept to begin with and everyone took forever to get ready, it was actually pretty plausible.

i sat in the front seat with tyler, while jenna sat in between dallon and sarah in the back. the plan was that brendon drive separately in his own car, incase things go bad and we can't make it to tylers car for whatever reason.

so we set off at around 5:30-ish, and the drive to wherever raz is was about a two or three hour drive depending on how fast we go and the traffic up ahead. it didn't seem like anyone minded the long drive anyway, though.

tyler still never got back to me on what he wanted to say, but to be fair i never formally asked him about it, either. i was just hoping i didn't have to ask and he would tell me on his own accord, but now there was no way he could seeing as we were in a car with three other people.

jenna was trying to make small conversation to lighten up the tense aura in the car, but no one seemed to be having any of it. sarah was upset that she couldn't drive with brendon and dallon was just quiet in general, but brendon was probably the cause of that, too.

for the first thirty minutes of the long drive, no one said anything that sparked any sort of conversation. it was mainly silence from sarah and dallon while jenna was now trying to fall asleep seeing as there was nothing else to do.

i wasn't sure what to do, either, if i fell asleep i didn't wanna miss anything, but if i stayed awake i'd probably be too tired to function when it get there. no option was right or wrong, and yet i still couldn't make a decision.

before i could get my thoughts organized enough to even attempt to debate my two options, tyler spoke up, "hey josh?" his voice was soft, soothing even. i looked over at him as he made eye contact with me for only a few seconds.

"you should get some sleep," he suggested, "there really is a long night ahead of us, and you need all the shuteye you can get." he further explained.

my mind the tried tricking my body into thinking it was exhausted, as i did take tylers advice seriously. so i nodded, not trying to question it anymore, like i have with everything else.

i figured it would be easy enough to fall asleep, but when i really thought about the situation, it didn't help at all. all the possible ways this could go were just keeping my mind occupied, as it was now swimming in a pool of fear.

what if tyler died? what would happen then?

what if jenna died? what would happen then?

what about brendon, too? what would happen with sarah and dallon?

but what if i died and no one cared?

these thoughts were racing around in my mind, going a hundred miles a minute, while doing dozens of laps nonstop, too. i can't believe reality hadn't hit me until now. i've spent days with these people, only thinking of it as a temporary stay with some new roomies.

it never settled with me that my life was on the line, and it was all because i snuck into petes room and just couldn't keep my curiosity at bay. this was all my fault, wasn't it?

and now i had pay the price for it.