i hired a hitman on myself // joshler [✓]

XLIX

[thank you for 30k,,, i have no words. -frisk]

the blaring alarms ceased immediately, as did the red tint in the light. everything went back to normal for that split second. well, that was bad choice of wording.

everything felt normal for that split second.

i stopped for a second and took a deep breath, trying to exhale all of my problems away. though, that of course didn't work. in fact, things only got worse from there.

everyone was standing completely still from shock paralyzing them for a few more seconds, until brendon slowly stood up from being on his knees, wallowing in his disparity.

his back was turned to me the whole time he was rising, until he turned a dramatically slow turn, and i could see the tears flooded in his eyes were now heaps of rage boiling within him.

he was pissed.

his nostrils were flared and his bottom lip was quivering, the tears now escaped his eyes. he stared me dead in the eye for a few seconds until it hit me, not just as a metaphorical sense of what just happened,

he hit me, right across my cheek.

i felt numb for a few seconds after he did it, i was trying to not let reality catch up to me, until it did, and i realized i was stumbling back, leaning against a metal table for support, and i could taste the metal as its sour taste flooded my taste buds.

it hurt, a lot. my cheek was throbbing with immense pain from convulsion. my tears welled up behind my eyes, i tried my ever so hardest to repress them further, so they would he on existant.

until he hit me again, harder.

this time, i felt my senses get knocked back into me. i could now hear jenna, scream-crying for brendon to stop as i open my eyes to see her trying to pull him back.

sarah stood back from it all, using her hands to cover her mouth as the waterworks began to flow down from her big, blue, and now glassy eyes. i was crying, too, now letting reality catch up to me again.

the pain, oh god it was unbearable, but the truth felt like my heart was breaking for every second that i thought of it. i was the one being selfish, not dallon. he didn't want to be the hero, i did.

and now, look where that's lead me.

"YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH," brendon bellowed as jenna tried pulling him away further, "YOU LET HIM DIE-- THAT'S ON YOU! YOU. LET. HIM. DIE." his face was now red with fury.

i knew better than to try and defend myself or plead guilty, at that. either way he would have slaughtered me right on the spot. so i just let him do the yelling, while jenna did the saving.

he stopped his struggle of release for a second, not loosely falling back into jennas grasp. he stood there, his eyes shut, the liquid emotion still making itself known from his eyes.

"bren..." jenna sniffled, her bottom lip still quivering as she watched him cry, now weak, and beaten down. this in itself was a heartbreaking sight to see, and knowing that i was the one to blame for it, made it even worse.

he seemed sad more than anything for a few seconds, until he spoke up again, and it was clear where he stood, "god, you're so useless..." he shook his head as it hung low, mumbling that under his breath.

jenna quickly chimed in, "you don't mean th--"

"like hell i do," he growled, now clenching his hands into fists, "it's always been us... having to save you... but for once... you couldn't even save someone that still had a chance at living--"

"bren, that's enough--"

"NO," he furiously, yet easily, got free of jennas grasp, this motion startled her as he stared at him, wide eyed, now slowly backing up. he glared at me with those broken, dark, and enraged eyes of his,

"he shouldn't have scared your pathetic ass back there," his voice was now breaking from emotion creeping up on him, "it's always been us... saving you... when you're the one who got us into the first place."

that hit me harder than his punches did.

"brendon, cut it out," jennas voice was firm and demanding, "insulting him isn't gonna bring dal back, so just save it, okay?" he paused for a minute after she said this, but still responded to her as he continued glaring at me.

"you only get to say that... because all of you get to go home for something..." he trailed off, a tear now escaping his eye, jenna then took the opportunity to shut him down.

"you're going home too, bren," her voice was now shaky, and from her facial expression it was clear she regretted saying this bold line.

brendon then shifted his scowl, so he was now looking down at the ground, there was clear and sudden change of his emotion, "my home... walked out of this room and is now dead," he bit his shaky bottom lip,

"and i couldn't save my home."

with that, he stormed out of the room in a fit of sadness and rage, sarah tried going after him, but jenna stopped her, as she knew it wasn't a good idea.

i was now left, standing in a pity of my agonizing guilt. he was right, everything he said was right. i should have died, dallon had the justice to kill me. i was a burden on everything, getting everyone either injured or dead. everything he said was right.

i wish i had let dallon kill me from the start.