Save Me

one hundred thirty one

"I thought I was going to die." I whisper. He doesn't say anything, just kisses my head and sings to me lightly as I lay in his arms.

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[Olivia's POV]

"You need to eat something, sweetheart." Lin says kindly as he sits at the foot of my bed.

"Not hungry." I monotonically say, continuing to stare at my wall.

"Olivia, I know it's hard but you have to take care of yourself. You survived!" He says in attempts to get me out of my bed.

Since the shooting happened a week ago I have not left my room once. The only people I allow to come in my room are Lin and Vanessa. I even shut Anthony out because of how angry I am at him for coming into the school.

"I just want to be alone." I mumble. I hear Lin sigh and stand up.

I hate how much I am hurting him but I can't help it. Every moment of the day I think about the shooting. 31 people died that day, making us the third largest school shooting in American history. All because of me.

"Spencer's funeral is in a couple of hours. Do you still want to go?" He asks as he stands by my doorway.

I think about it for a moment. Do I? Yes, I need to be there. Her parents asked me to come and it would be disrespectful of me not to show up.

"Yeah, I will be ready in a little bit." I respond and get out of bed.

After Lin leaves I take a shower and get dressed in a plain black dress. I let my hair curl naturally as it sits above my shoulders. I apply minimal makeup and sigh at my reflection in the mirror. I've changed since that day. Mentally obviously, but I feel physically different too. I'm different.

"Ready." I say to Lin as I walk into the main room. He smiles and stands up, he is wearing black dress pants and a white button up with a black tie. He looks nice, I haven't seen him dressed up in awhile.

"You don't have to go, you know." I say as we arrive at the funeral home.

"Olivia, I'm not going to let you do this alone. Come on." He says as he gets out of his car. I follow suit and freeze once we are standing by the doors.

I can't do this. I can't see her body, she was my girlfriend for God's sake. I feel Lin intertwine his fingers with mine and squeeze my hand lightly. I take a deep breathe and open the doors.

-

The funeral service was almost unbearable. Her parents kept saying how much they loved her but let's not forget the time that they abandoned her for being gay. I also couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that this whole funeral was happening because of me. All of this is because of me.

After getting in the car with Lin I begin to freak out.

"Olivia, what can I do?" Lin asks, trying to calm me down.

"Anthony. I need Anthony." I cry. "Can you please take me to his apartment?"

He nods frantically and begins to drive to his apartment. Upon dropping me off I sprint through the building and pound on his door until he opens it for me.

I walk straight into his room and begin yelling, "You idiot!"

"Olivia, what the hell is going on?" He asks, a look of pure confusion upon his face.

"You are so stupid!" I scream and lightly push him. I push him again but he grabs both of my wrists before I can do it again.

"You could've been killed!" I yell at him. "Why the hell would you go inside the school?"

"You could've been killed too! Why on earth would you go looking for him when you knew he was coming after you?" He yells back. "When I saw you and him... Oh my God, Olivia. I almost died inside because I thought you were dying."

"I had to! He was going to kill all of those people until he found me! I couldn't let that'd happen!" I yell, his hands still firmly wrapped around my wrists.

"I don't care about them! I care about you! I needed you to stay alive!" He yells. "I needed you."

I look into his eyes for a moment, rage still sharp in my tongue but instead of yelling I wrap my hand around his neck and crash my lips into his.

He seems surprised at first but eventually holds me in his arms and kisses me back.

I pull away and lay my head on his chest and say, "I was so scared."

"I know, baby." He whispers.

He holds me in his arms and sways back and forth and for the first time in a week, I finally feel safe.

Hello everyone, hope you enjoyed (:

- aibhlinn