Save Me

ninety eight

"Goodnight Anthony." I say, lingering at the doorway.

"Goodnight Olivia." He says back. 

________________

[Olivia's POV]

I woke up the next day with my heart in my stomach. Today I have to tell Anthony that we can never be together, that the only thing we can be is friends. Today I have to call Spencer and tell her the same thing. Why am I like this? All I want is for everything to go back to normal. 

I pick up my phone and dial Spencer's number. I feel like such a bitch for breaking up over a phone call but I can't be with her for another minute.

"Hey, babe! I miss you." Spencer says when she answers the phone. 

"Spencer, I can't do this." I tell her. "I have been living a lie... We can't be together."

"Is this a fucking joke?" She asks. 

"No.. I'm in love with someone else." I whisper. 

"Screw you Olivia. Thanks a lot!" She yells at me and hangs up. Great. 

I can't do this again with Anthony, it hurts too much, I will have to do it later. I hate how everything has changed and how secretive it all is. I just want Anthony to be my best friend again and nothing more. But I love him and I want to be with him at the same time. I'm so conflicted, I need to take my mind off of everything. 

I get a text and I look down to see who it is from. 

Anthony: Good morning (: 

Why does Anthony even look at me? I am disgusting. I am ugly, annoying, fat, needy, selfish.. And so much more. He deserves someone much more attractive than I am. I look down at my stomach and pick at the fat in disgust. I need to lose weight. Honestly, why does anyone want to even talk to me? I have like seven double chins and my arms so flabby. My thighs are huge too. I bet Anthony doesn't even care about me, he just feels bad for the things I have been through. 

My heart hurts as I ignore the text and shut off my phone. The only person I want to be with today is Lin. I walk out of my bedroom and find him sitting on the couch with Vanessa and Sebastian. 

"Morning everyone." I say to them, walking into the kitchen. 

"Good morning sweetheart. Want me to make you some breakfast?" 

I look down at my exposed thighs due to my shorts I am wearing. I can practically see my stomach hanging over the waistband behind my huge sweatshirt. Don't make your problem areas bigger, Olivia. 

"No thanks, I'm not that hungry." I respond, filling up a glass of water. 

"Okay, let me know if you change your mind." She says with a smile. I sip on my water, draining the cup of its contents. 

"Do you mind watching Sebastian tonight during the show? Our babysitter is busy." Lin asks me, holding the child while some train show plays softly. 

"Yeah, of course." I say. 

"Got any plans today?" Vanessa asks me. 

"Nothing so far, I'm probably just going to work on my songs for the open mic thing at the coffee shop." I say, sitting next to her. 

"Oh right! I got the date, you are actually going to preform on New Year's Eve!" Lin tells me. 

My face lights up and I smile, "That's awesome! Now I really need to prepare. Could I borrow your guitar?" 

Lin says yes and goes and gets it from his room. 

"What are you thinking of playing?" Vanessa asks me. 

"No idea." I say with a laugh. 

"Well you have time." She says, sipping on her coffee. 

I hang out with them for an hour or so until Vanessa has to go to work. Lin and Sebastian continue to watch TV so I head back into the guest bedroom I am staying in. I wish I could go back to the theater already, I mean don't get me wrong, I love Lin and Vanessa but the theater is my home. I ache to be back in my bed. 

I pull up the sleeves of my sweatshirt and exam the fresh scars that I made the night before. My wrist is lined with fading pink lines from months ago. I hate that I do this to myself but at the same time I know I have to. 

I put Lin's guitar on my lap and begin to strum the chords to a song I love. I mess around with a couple of songs and try to decide on my favorites. Lin told me that I should pick out four songs to sing, unfortunately I don't even have a single idea. Yay, way to go Olivia. 

After a few hours of playing the guitar and getting distracted on my phone I finally come up with four songs for the open mic. 

"Hey, Olivia. I'm going to head out now, can you watch Sebastian?" Lin says, popping his head into my room. 

"Yeah, break a leg." I say with a smile and head out to the living room to be with Sebastian. As I am playing with Seb, my phone rings beside me and I look at who is calling. Anthony. Do I answer it or not? 

I press the green button and say a hello into the phone. 

"Olivia, hey.. Why did you ignore my text messages? Are you alright?" Anthony asks me. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, I've just been busy today. I have this open mic thing soon.. It doesn't matter. Why are you calling?" I say. 

"Just wanted to know how you are doing? I care about you, Olivia. It's what you do when you care about someone." He says with a slight laugh. 

"Oh." I say flatly, my heart breaks when I say this. I can tell it bothered him too. 

"Can I come pick you up tonight? We could get coffee or something and just talk?" He offers. 

"I don't know, Anthony.." I say. 

"I'm not taking no as an answer. I'm getting you at nine o'clock." He says. 

"Ok." I say and hang up the phone. 

I have to end this tonight. 

Hello everyone, hope you are having a wonderful day! Check out the new story I am writing on wattpad, it isn't fanfiction but I am going to be working with a publisher sometime soon and it would mean a lot if you could give me some feedback. It is called The Four Stages Of Addiction. 

What even are Olivia and Anthony? I don't know you guys.. 

You are cute, I love you. 

- aibhlinn