Save Me

one hundred thirty four

We spend the rest of our morning laughing at each other's corny jokes and making endless memories.

I'm in love with Anthony Ramos, and nothing will prevent me from embracing it.

_____________________

Lin's POV

"Olivia please eat something." I say to the small girl who stares at her dinner in silence. She has barely eaten anything since the shooting and she can't afford to lose anymore weight.

"I'm sorry." She whispers.

"Just try, okay? You can't lose any weight, it's part of your recovery program." I remind her, knowing that she hasn't been gaining weight like she was supposed to since coming home from the hospital.

"I want to, I really do. But I can't." She defeatedly says.

"Sweetheart please." Vanessa gently says, resting her hand on top of Olivia's. Olivia hesitantly takes a piece of salad and chews it thoroughly.

"Just have a few more bites and you can be done." I tell her. She nods and takes another bite. I look up at Vanessa and smile which she returns.

Since the shooting, Olivia hasn't been herself at all. She barely eats, and when she does it is always something small. She hardly sleeps because every time she rests she has nightmares. I feel so horrible that I can't help her through this. I can't do anything to help her.

"May I be excused?" She asks after eating half of her food. I nod and she stands up and cleans her dishes.

I watch her disappear down the hall and say to Vanessa, "What the hell are we gonna do, V?"

"I don't know." She honestly says. "I'm so worried."

"Me too. When is she going to get better?" I say. "I can't do this. I can't keep seeing her being hurt, it destroys me."

"Let's call Anthony and see if he can come by. She does better when she's with him." Vanessa says. I nod and send him a text. He responds quickly and says that he will be here soon.

Olivia's POV

I hover behind the corner for a moment to listen to their conversation.

"I can't do this. I can't keep seeing her being hurt, it destroys me." I hear Lin say and my heart falls. I turn and walk into my bedroom.

I scream into my pillow, cursing the world. All I do is make people upset. Lin, Vanessa, Anthony.. I hate how much of a burden I am. I can't even sleep without waking up screaming like a pathetic child.

I plug in my headphones and listen to music at full blast. Trying to relax even though I know I won't.

I feel a tug at my headphones and they are pulled off my ears. I jump and turn to see Anthony kneeling next to my bed with a smile on his face.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I ask him.

"Lin asked me to come over. You alright?" He asks, sitting on my bed next to me.

"Yeah I'm fine." I say, flashing him a small smile.

"No you're not." He says. I shrug and lay on my back. I put my headphones back in and turn the music all the way up. He takes one of them and puts it in his ear. We listen to the loud music together, his hand laying next to mine, our pinkies touching.

Hello everyone, the amount of time it took me to get this chapter up is absolutely ridiculous I feel so horrible like I'm so sorry. 

This story hit 200k and I'm so freaked out and I don't even know just wow.. Thank you guys so much for sticking around even though this story has gone downhill. 

I published a new story "Closer", you should go check it out! I will be posting a few chapters here and there but this will still be my main priority until I'm done. 

I thought I was getting better, like with my mental health and today has just been a slap in the face wow. I'm not better and i'm so exhausted guys. Why the fuck am I still so sick? No matter how hard I try I always end up in the same exact place as always and it hurts. I hate being sad. I hate being anxious. I hate starving myself. I hate purging. I hate feeling worthless. I seriously hate how I feel when I'm like this but I can't do a damn thing about it. 

I'm sorry I just needed to rant on here because my friends are all drunk 

- aibhlinn