crush ✧ j.t

Chapter 8

Perries POV

She closes the door once we get outside into the empty hallways. She turns and her hazel eyes meet with mine.
"Pez, you've been acting really weird today... Are you okay?", she says frowning. I feel her eyes trying to find an answer deep inside me.
"W-What... No I'm fine babe...", I mumble stuttering. I see her frown, and she gently places her soft hand on my arm, rubbing it reassuringly.
"You know you can tell me anything, right Perrie?"

I wish, I feel like saying. I feel like telling her how much I love her, how much I care for her, how madly jealous I am whenever she looks at anyone. Then it sinks in the way she used my name. I'm so used to her calling me Pez, but there's something different when she actually says Perrie. I feel my heart tighten. She says it like there's some hidden meaning inside of it. I nod quickly and nervously.

"Just please don't lie... I know there's something wrong. You're not yourself. Normally you put everything into practicing, but today you're just... off. This hasn't got anything to do with me and Jed does it?"
"No, of course not I-"
"You don't like him do you?", she mumbles, pulling her hand away from my arm and looking down at the floor.
"No Jade, of course I do I just-." I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs; I don't like Jed as he's taking away all the chances I have. I don't like him as he's stealing your heart. I don't like him as I love you. But obviously I don't say that. I watch as she fiddles with her fingernails and she leaves me standing there like a complete idiot in the deafening silence of the hallways.
I see her look up and her eyes glowing.

"Omg I see whats up!", she says, taking my hands. For a minute I'm full of hope but it soon drains away to let the sense of disappointment in:
"You miss Alex don't you!", she says gently. I fake a smile and look down. "Yeah..."
"You'll see him soon baba", she says gently, looking in my eyes. "He really loves you, you know that?"

I nod, tearing my eyes away from hers. "Well, shall we go inside practice? Or do you want to call him?" I shake my head. "Can you get Jesy for me? She's normally big help whenever i'm missing him", I lie, looking to to see her brown eyes staring in to mine before I see her walk towards the door and I watch it close behind her.

I slide down the wall so I'm sitting on the floor my knees infront of me, and I try to stop the waterfall that's building up against my eyelids pour out. I wrap my arms around them and stare at the wall, before Jesy runs out second laters, instantly joining me and wrapping an arm around me. "She said you're missing Alex... but I know that isn't what's the matter here", she says gently. I stop trying to stop the tears and feel the fresh tears fall down my makeupless face. "I-I just wish she knew how i'm feeling", I sob in to her shoulder, not sure it made much sense. She's so clueless, she thinks i'm in love with Alex. She thinks I miss him, but I miss her, even though we're closer than we've ever been. I don't say this to Jesy as she probably knows more than me about my love for Jade. I just continue to let the tears fall, and notice even more how much she is killing me.

After a while I hear the door open, and I instantly tense, trying to stop the tears.
"Pez, what's up!", says Leigh-Anne. I hear the feet pad along the wooded floor and she sits next to me, wrapping an arm around me. "Jade says your missing Alex", she says. "She told me to stay in there and leave you space but I hate the thought of you being upset. Have you called me", she blurts out. Before I can control what I'm saying, I pull my head up and gently say "Come to my hotel room tonight, I'll explain everything". I see Jesys eyes widen but I nod reassuringly.

I'm so fed up of hiding my love from you.