crush ✧ j.t

Chapter 35

Perries POV

"Perrie, Jesy, dinner!"
Jades words echo around the house and I choose to ignore them as now me and Jesy are in fits of laughter. I hear Jesy try to speak but she bursts out laughing, causing me to lose all the composure I had and burst out laughing again.
"Guys, did you hear me", says Jade, stepping in to the door, almost like a mother talking to two kids. She has a hand on her hip and her brow is arched. Her short tshirt has her stomach on show and I can't help but cough slightly when I see her, still laughing. Jesy tries to stop laughing and succeeds, but I can't stop the laughter escaping my mouth. I stand up behind Jesy and take a deep breath, and finally the laughter starts dying down. Jade intertwines her fingers with mine and I smile down at her hands, all the laughter being killed by the overwhelming feeling of her skin touching mine. "What's for dinner?", says Jesy.
"Lasagna!", exclaims Jade, and I hear the genuine excitement in her tone, making me laugh.

*

We finish eating and before I can follow the rest of the people in to the living room Jade gently takes hold of my wrist and tugs me gently. I let her lead my to the bedroom and she quickly closes the door. "How is Jess doing?", she asks, sitting down on the bed. "She's not great but i've seen her worse after a breakup". Jade nods. "And what was so funny, you were laughing for a solid 10 minutes", she says, trying to giggle but it's obvious it's fake. "Aww is my Jadey jealous", I say stepping over to her and poking her cheek, making her pout slightly. "N-no, I just miss your lips", she says like a little kid, running her thumb over my lips. I sigh and run my hands through my hair. "As much as I miss yours, we can't now. I won't be able to control myself". She tries to attach our lips but I move my head. "Later babe", I say gently, rubbing her arm. "But why, what difference does it make", she says, wrapping her arms around my neck. "But we're the reason Chris isn't here". I cover my mouth with my hand and she instantly unwraps her arms from my neck.

"W-Why did Chris break up with Jesy?", she says quietly, almost like a little kid asking their parents why their goldfish died. I feel guilt build up inside me. I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted to tell her that despite him not being that in to Jesy, he felt uncomfortable always having to be around me and Jade. In ways, you could say he was homophobic. That's one of the main reasons Jesy fought with him. I felt terrible as I couldn't help but feel like we were the reason for their breakup. "Erm.. I don't know actually", I lie. I instantly regret the words escaping my mouth, but I knew it would hurt her more if I told her. "Perrie, spill", she says, obviously noticing me lying. I sigh and step closer to her. "You know I want to tell you Jade, I really do, but Jesy told me not to tell anyone, not yet".  I see Jade look at me, her hurt expression slashing in to me like a knife. "Ill find out anyway, you know that".
Look, Ill ask Jesy if I can tell you okay?", I say, placing my hand on her shoulder. She mumbles a reply and tries to walk off but I grab her wrist. "You have no clue how much I want to tell you"
"Then just tell me Perrie. Don't you trust me?". The first line she says with such aggression, but  once she moves on to the next sentence her voice gets quieter. "Jadey of course I do I just-". I get stuck on those words, not knowing what to say. "Look, Ill convince Jesy and I can guarantee I can tell you tonight okay?". She nods slightly, not looking at me. I try to tilt her chin up but she moves her head. "Don't be mad Jade", I say gently. "I'm not", she mumbles.

I take hold of her hand but she shakes her hand away. We walk in to the living room where everyone is sitting on the sofas, and Leigh has her Ipad in her hands, on Facetime with someone. "But lets ask them first".
"Ask who what?", she says warily. Leigh jumps but relaxes when she sees us. "We need to do an interview tomorrow, so we either go up to London or do it on Skype"
"Skype", me and Jade both say quickly, making Jesy laugh. Jade sits on my lap once I sit on the chair but I gently push her off, knowing that it would be hard for Jesy tonight. Jade looks at me shortly, before quickly turning and moving to the other sofa, next to Leigh.
"Hey Simon", she says, leaning towards Leighs ipad. She pulls a stupid face before leaning back in to the chair. I want to run over and hug her but I know i've annoyed her by not telling her and not letting her sit with me. Ill make it up to her, but right now Jesy needs help, not couples all over the place.

"I'm going to bed", says Jade, interrupting me and Jesy from our whispered conversation in the middle of Aladin.
"But Jade it's almost the best bit"
"I said, I'm going to bed", she says quietly, closing the door to the loungue as she steps out.

"For gods sake what have you done Perrie, she's hardly been watching the film", says Leigh. I sigh and run my hand through my hair. "I wouldn't tell her why Jesy and Chris split up. Aka the fight about him being homophobic".
"You can tell her you know?", says Jesy.
"It'll just upset her, you know that"
"Just go speak to her Pez", joins in Andre, who we all thought was asleep. Leigh smiles at hearing his voice and kisses his cheek.
"Ill tell her in the morning, she won't listen now anyway"

I know well right she will listen but I'm too scared. I've hurt her and I don't know how to deal with that.

"Well tell her before the interview. It's at 8am tomorrow". A groan escapes my mouth. "Why so early?"
"The interviews on Good Morning Britain"
"Can't we reschedule it?", I say, in hope that it can at least be a little later.
"It's basically now written in stone, we can't bale out now as it's late"

I stand up and head towards the bedroom. When I open it it's pitch black and I can see Jades silhouette in bed. I slowly close the door, not knowing if she's awake or not. I go in to the bathroom and get changed, brush my teeth and clean my face, all while thinking about what I will say to Jade. I take a deep breath before stepping. I see Jades sitting up but when she notices the door opening she lies down quickly.

"Jade", I say gently, climbing under the duvet, trying to get near her. She doesn't reply, simply stares at the ceiling, I assume. "Look, im sorry I didn't tell you", I say, looking at her despite the darkness in the room.
"That's not why i'm mad", she mumbles.
I turn and turn the lamp on, illuminating the room. Jade squints and covers her eyes with one hand.
"Why are you mad", I say gently, slightly brushing her cheek with my hand, making her flinch. I see her eyes look at mine quickly but look up sharply.
"Just leave it, its stupid". I can tell by the tone in her voice that she isn't going to talk about it. I sigh and flip to turn the light off. I try to pull Jade over to me gently but she instantly moves away. "I love you Jade", I say, trying to stop a tear from falling. The room falls in to silence after my words. "I love you too Perrie", she mumbles after a few minutes and I feel my heart flutter. I stop myself from wrapping my arms around her and I flip on my side, now facing away from her. I instantly miss the feeling of her body lying on mine and her gentle breathing in to my neck. I try to sleep, but can't. I know that she's upset about me not letting her kiss me or sit on me, but I just feel like i'm rubbing it in for Jesy. I would explain but then i'd have to tell her about Chris, and I know it would break her.