crush ✧ j.t

Chapter 36

Perries POV

I wake up to her hands on my shoulders. "Cmon babe", she says quietly, stroking my hair gently. I wake up and everything I did last night flashes before my eyes, and guilt fills my body. Her face is now caked with makeup, making we aware of the interview. "I'm so sorry Jade, I just- I don't know why-"
Her soft lips meet mine making me shut up. "I'm over it", she says, smiling at me gently. "I know why you did it. I'm hurt you didn't tell me, but we don't have time to get in to that". Her voice goes from gentle to slightly more mad. Her eyes linger on mine before she turns away. Her hair is slightly curled, rolling down her back on to the cheked dress. "We have the interview in an hour sharp, so get ready", she says exiting the room. I groan, confusion rushing through my veins. Is she mad or not? Am I forgiven or not?

I push the questions to the back of my mind and I get ready. I decide to shower after the interview and I stand up, walking to the wardrobe pulling out a a blue skirt and a white embroided tshirt. I then step in to the bathroom and get ready.

Jades POV

I sit down quickly in the middle of the sofa, grabbing Leigh and Jesys wrists and pulling them down. When Pez was still asleep I spoke to them and they told me everything about Chris and why he left Jesy. I don't understand why Perrie thought I would upset. I definately feel guilty and I understand why she wouldn't let me sit with her, but I don't get why she tried to lie. Although I understand why she did it, I can't help but feel mad. I don't want to be mad at her, and I wish I wasn't. Andre fiddles around with the camera. I lean down to pick up the lip balm  and when I look up Perrie is walking over to the sofa, smiling slightly at Leigh. Her hair is natural, falling down in very loose waves. An embroided top and skirt are clinging to her body. A groan of frustration escapes my lips as I look at her and her eyes dart to mine, looking at me questioninly. "My back clicked", I say quickly.

—

We're halfway through the interview and it is going quite well. No ones mentioned relationships which I'm actually relieved about. The whole time I have felt Perries eyes glued on me but I try to ignore it.

"We were together a while ago and Perrie went, you know what, im going to be naughty on this tour"

"Yeah, let your hair down", I can't help but say, remembering how wild and hot Perrie gets on stage sometimes despite her normal softness.

"Do you often have party's on the bus, or is it too posh?"

"It's okay. There's a kettle... And a microwave", I say, remembering how cramped and sweaty the buses can get

"Well I think it's quite posh", says Perrie, kind of leaning over Leigh to look at me. I shrug and look towards the small camera infront of us.

"So you have recently worked with Machine Gun Kelly and you said he is lovely. Is there anyone you've worked with that you haven't liked so much?"

"Yeah there was somebody that was quite diva-ish", says Jesy, smirking at me, making me laugh at the memory.

"Omg I want to know who!", says Perrie, looking round desperately. I smile at the blondes curious tone and stifle a laugh.

"You know who", says Leigh, placing her hand on Perries and squeezing it. I feel my body tense up and I kick Leigh sharply, making her move away.

"You lot are known for playing pranks on eachother"

"Once we did one in Australia where Jade had to act like she had a thing with Justin and she stormed out, it massively back fired. Our tour manager got involved me Jade started crying"

"So to confirm, nothing between you and Justin"

"Ehmm. Nope, sorry"

"Single Geordies alone forever", says Leigh, taking me and Perries hands, lifting them up. I freeze and blurt out "I'm not single", mainly thinking of Jed and the relationship we 'have'. I try to laugh but it comes out forced but Leigh and Perrie cover me up by laughing histerically. "It's just Perrie now!" "Oh my bad, very new here"
The interview continues for a little while longer and I act like I'm listening by murmuring something that sounds right to say at the end of some of the girls sentences, but the fury builds up inside me. First Leigh started messing with Jed and now she almost outed that I'm not dating Jed.

"Well it was lovely talking to you girls!". We say ours goodbyes before hanging up and the second we are sure the cameras off my head darts to Leighs, my eyes burning in to hers. "I-i'm sorry", she stutters quickly. Perrie places her hand on Leighs thigh, making the anger burn even more. "If we get in trouble this is your fault", I murmur, looking down at my chipped nails. 

"Jade, you realize you can't keep lying about dating Jed". Perries words echo around my skull and I look up, a mixture of anger and uncertanty filling my veins. "What's that supposed to mean", I spit. She stands up and walks over to the dining table, leaning against it.

"I don't like the fact that you still say you're dating Jed. You claim to hate him but you won't say that to the public. I've never said this, but it's recently just hit me how dumb it is". Perrie says the words casually, making the anger pile up more and more.
"Are you fucking serious? I'm doing this for you, Im making sure people don't find out about us", I say harshly, walking over to her.

"How is this good for me Jade huh? Everywhere I go people think my girlfriend is taken to someone I do and always will despise. Do you realize how hard that is. And frankly, Id love it if people knew about us. If you spoke to Simon he would let you as you've got him wrapped around your finger"

"And you think I enjoy dealing with his bullshit? I'm doing everything in my power to try be able to get out of this, but I can't even talk to you now. You know that if we come out now, Jed will ruin it. And if you want people to know about us so bad why wouldn't you let me even kiss you on the beach, there was nobody there"

The words just fly out of my mouth unfiltered. Me and Perries heated conversation makes no sense, it has no structure. It's just us two throwing out everything that's hidden behind the powerful I love yous.
"Jade just say that you're not dating him you can do whatever the fuck you want"
"You have no clue what he can do Perrie. I've told you several times aswell. In fact, I tell you everything. Fucking everything. And then you won't even tell me that Chris left because of us. There's probably so many other secrets too"

With this line, I see a single tear roll down Perries cheek. "I didn't want to hurt you", she says gently, trying to wrap her arms around my neck, but I push her away.
"Well if you don't want to hurt me don't fucking try and lie to me. Don't go on anyone's side but mine. Don't push me away when I need you". At the end tears of anger and sadness roll down my cheek.

"Do you think I'm like that?", she says in shock, turning away from me. "I-i try to understand everything that you do and consider why you did it, but I don't fucking kiss you and you're mad? That's pathetic Jade, i'm sorry"

With that, Perrie walks out the room. I try and walk after her, but my legs are frozen. I stand and stare at the spot next to the table where she had been standing and a sob escapes my lips. Leighs arms wrap around me and Jesy rushes out the room, presumably going to see Perrie.
"W-what do I do", I whimper in to Leighs tshirt.
"It was just a small argument. It happens. Perrie will calm down and it'll be okay", she coos at me, trying to bring me reassurance, but she brings me the opposite: fear.