Sebastian Stan imagines!

In the name of love.

In the name of love,

Love.

In the name of love,

Love.

It's been three days. I haven't eaten, or slept...I just needed to make my way back to her. I had to.

I was close. I could see the lights from the Stark Tower shining in the night, and that's all it tok for me to begin to sprint towards it. I was going to see her again. Hold her again. This was going to be okay.

If I didn't pass out first.

I managed to get to the front door, everything already extremely blurry. My back slid down against the cold glass, and I tapped on it with my metal finger, careful not to shatter the glass. My lips were quivering and my teeth chattering. I prayed for someone to come downstairs, to see me and immediately let me in, but at this rate, I think hypothermia would get to me first.

My eyelids grew heavy, and my senses were checking out. It was below freezing for sure now, and all the lights had gone out.

Guess I wouldn't see them til morning.

Just as I was about to give up, the glass I leaned on moved back, and I fell into someone's arms.

"..Bucky? Buck, can you hear me?" I grabbed onto Steve's arm, barely able to hold myself up. "Buck, it's me. Just hold on, you're gonna be okay."

Almost as soon as we got inside everything was dark, and my eyelids shut.

*-._.-*-._.*-._.-*

"Hey," Y/N's soft smile was the first thing I saw, but my body ached way too much to sit up.

"Hi," I smiled. "You're alive."

"I'm pretty sure." A tear rolled down her face, but she continued to smile. "Hey, I'm okay, you don't have to worry."

"Never again, okay. Don't ever do that to me again. I was so scared." I nodded, intertwining out fingers.

"I'm okay."

If I told you we could bathe in all the lights,

Would you rise up, come and meet me in the sky?

Would you trust me when we're jumping from the heights?

Would you fall in the name of love?

"We could get away from here." I murmured, looking up to see James' reaction. He seemed content, which was probably drug induced, considering the accident. "We could. We'd probably be better for it. But we'd be on our own. I'm not ready to leave this behind."

"We'd be free, from all this pain. All this darkness..Don't you think it'd be worth it?"

"It's hard to say no to that. But there's this doubt. That if we leave and we come back everyone will be gone. What if I lose Steve again? What if I lose you?" His voice wavered, and I started tracing patterns on his bruised stomach. "You won't lose me. Just breathe."

"I would take the fall for you. If you really wanted to get rid of this life. I would do it."

"You don't have to, okay? It's always going to be your choice."

"You won't leave?"

"Never."

When there's madness, when there's poison in your head,

When the sadness leaves you broken in your bed,

I will hold you in the depths of your despair,

And it's all in the name of love.

I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart pounding and my mind racing.

The nightmares were worse. They included everything that happened with hydra, and the explosion, which I still didn't quite understand. I was living. I shouldn't be. That explosion was toxic, I should've been killed on the spot.

I ran a hand through my hair as I stood up and walked into the bathroom. Looking in the mirror was beginning to be someting that tore me apart. Everytime I looked in it I see the winter soldier. The person I think that I should be.

Shit.

I sat against the tub, one hand on the scar tissue that surrounded my arm, and the other on my forehead. I felt like I was going to overheat, but I had to be quiet. I couldn't wake her up.

You killed those people, James.

You could never be the man that she needs you to be.

You could never be her husband or a father to her children.

Just face it.

You'll never be good.

I was close to pulling my hair out of my head, hearing the things I was hearing. I knew it wasn't real, I did.

But that's not what I felt.

I felt myself slipping, falling father down this hole of self doubt and depression, and for a moment I was okay with it.

"James? Are you in here?" I saw her face and a warm, comforting feeling rose inside me. I knew my face was red, and glistening with tears, but she didn't care.

She walked over, sighing sadly, and sat beside me. "Can I?" I nodded, knowing she was asking to take my hand. Her significantly smaller fingers ran across my palm and traced my fingers, letting my body relax, and my mind slow.

"How do you do that?" I barely whispered, just loud enough for her to hear. "Do what?"

"Calm m-me down."

"Because you let me. You let me in and that's why I can bring you back. Because I love you." My world started spinning ten times slower, and all I could hear were those words.

"You..love me?" I whimpered, not looking away from her eyes. "Of course I do. I know it took me awhile, and I'm sorry, I just didn't want to be vulnerable again, especially when getting hurt was still such a high possibility."

A soft grin tugged at my lips. "But I realise that you and I have survived through hell. If we get hurt we move on. Together."

"I love you."

"I love you."

damn why can't I write happy endings for my own life?