Sebastian Stan imagines!

Reality.

"You don't have to do this, you know."

Bucky smiled slightly when I said that. I knew that this was the best option for him, he couldn't control his own mind. They were still inside his head and that terrified him. I knew I couldn't change his mind. He was driven by fear. Fear he caused, created, and now endured. There was no changing his mind.

"Yeah, doll. I do." He sighed, slowly looking up at me. "I can't be the one to put people in pain, and this just shows that Hydra can still force me to. I can't trust myself, and until they can figure out a way for me to get back to that, I think that this is the best choice." A tear traveled down my face, and I swatted it away. "Don't cry."

"How can I not? I'm gonna miss you." I smiled sadly, my chest swelling as I held back my tears. "I'll be back, and less lethal. Safer, sweeter. You'll like me better when I can get out of bed without fearing that it's not reality."

"I love you, Bucky. I do."

"I know. I love you more."

"Impossible."

I pressed his forehead to mine, and then kissed his lips. "Until we meet again."

I said nothing else, just turned away and traded places with Steve as they talked. I cried my heart out when I was sure he couldn't hear. I didn't think that my heart would break, but I guess that if that's what this was...then I hated it.

When I heard the hiss of the glass door, my heart skipped a beat. I knew what followed, and I wasn't sure I could take it.

"He's gone."

In the following days I was sick to my stomach, and it felt like everything and everyone reminded me of James. I was so incredibly sensitive, I had no clue what was going on. I just stayed in bed. Except to eat or talk to Steve or Natasha. But most of the time, Nat came into my room.

I missed him. I missed him terribly, and I began to think that if I didn't stop missing him like this soon, it would be the death of me.

"When are you gonna start working again?" I scoffed, re-taking my seat against the tub. "I don't know. I can barely stand without becoming nauseous. And do you know what? Remember when Wanda was making that desert?"

"How could I forget?"

"Well, I could smell it. It's four floors down."

"What're you adapting? Life without your lover getting to you?"

"You've got no idea. It's like I'm-" I stopped when I got a glimpse of my calendar. "Dying..No. Nononono."

"Y/N, what are you-oh." Her gaze followed mine, to the days that were without marks, and the ones that were supposed to be marked after the day it started.

One, two, three, four, five, six, Seven days late.

I could feel the anxiety rising inside of me. Or was that something else? "Nat.."

"Is that even possible? Were you two even..Active?" I nodded, a familiar feeing swelling in my chest. I can tell you right now: it wasn't hope. Nat dropped her voice down to a whisper. "Did Steve know?"

"I don't know. I'll-I'll be back, make sure no one comes in here. Friday, if anyone asks, I'm asleep."

I cleared my head as I walked to the publix a few blocks away from the compound. My mind was moving at a hundred miles a minute, and they all flew back to the only night we were alone. It was like he knew something was going to happen. At first, it was just a kiss, and then we were lost in it. I had asked him if he regretted it afterward, and he only kissed me.