Controlla (Camila/you)

9. Growing Up

Y/n Pov

     "So y/n it's been a little over a year since you last released a song. You've gone from the most sought after lyricist, to artist, and not the biggest producer in the last ten years. How does it feel to know that over half the nominated songs for billboard were either written, or produced by you? You're basically competing with yourself."
        I looked down smiling some, before looking back at the interviewer. Its been a whole year and I haven't talked to Camila. She'd called non-Stop but i needed to find myself. I knew she needed it too we couldn't keep going on like we were. I just wanted her to be happy and I know she is. I kept paying on the house, and I don't think she's left or not. I haven't spoken to the girls since I left, and I'd only spoken to the boys and Lucy a couple of times. I needed to be alone, and I got it. After about 6 months I went back to work, and out out songs back to back. This is the very first interview I've done since everything and it was a different feeling I got from it.
       "Well it's amazing first off. I never could have imagined this until I had someone to push me. I guess it is like fighting myself, but aren't we always doing that in life? I just want to make music and that's all I did. I wish my luck to everyone nominated it'll be a great night."
      "Speaking of that push and great nights. After your break up with Camila Cabello you seemed to drop off the face of the earth and now have reamerged seemingly at peace. Now rumor has it you'll be making your return at the awards show performing right after her. Are there still feelings and have you two spoken at all?"
       I let out a sigh looking down and clearing my throat.
     "Uh no we haven't. I was pretty isolated where I was, so no. We haven't and yeah she's performing after me, and I think she's Don amazing. No matter what happened I'll always be proud of her."
        "So there are still feelings there...?"
       He could tell he was making me uncomfortable but he needed to ask.
     "There'll always n feelings on my part. I don't think thats ever gonna change. I'll always love her. As a friend or more it doesn't matter."
      He nodded and scrunched his eyebrows as if he were thinking.
      "That's really awesome. Like really man. But anyway can you tell us about the song you'll be debuting. Or tell us about the new album?"
      I laughed some running a hand through my hair.
        "Well the album is really alot about my journey this past year. How I felt going through the break up, my mom dying, making amends with my dad, and coming back to the world knowing who I am and what i want."
      "Your dad yes. Not a lot of people know your history outside of your fans. But so he was convicted for the distribution of narcotics, and manslaughter. He disowned you for not taking up the family business but now you two are fine."
      "Yeah sorta. He did horrible things in his life, that led him to where he is. As a child you always want to make your parent proud. Even when they cause you terrible pain there's still an almost natural need for it. He told me he was proud of the man I've become and that he prays everyday for me and it was just surreal for me. I put alot of things to rest and grieved for them, and now I'm free."
          We continued to talk for a while and then said our goodbyes. I left heading over to Nick and Allys house where everyone was throwing me a welcome home party. It's not like i went towar but ok. I missed everyone.  I know they told her I was back and what was happening tonight, but I didn't think she'd come. I hope not. I don't think I'd know what to do if she did.
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CamilAs pov

          No, i wasn't going. What would i say to him? Sorry I broke your heart and neglected you please take me back. Yeah no. I probably wouldn't be able to say anything and just end up staring at him. I really do miss him though.
     After he left Taylor stopped talking to me. I even went to her house which resulted in a trip to jail for me, but I just coudnlt believe she'd want this to happen. Ive seen her Once since and it was for a show, but I she avoided me. I was locked up in my room for three weeks before I tried to fix myself up. Yes my room, I could go back in there where we'd spent so much time together. It was now so empty and cold I couldn't stand it. I knew the girls knew where he was but they refused to tell me anything. They told me id done enough damage. It took three months but i soon worked everything out with them. Dinah let me move in with her and Mani understanding why i didnt want to be home. I also started spending my time at the gym when I wasn't at the studio. I guess I saw what the hype was about. I never understood why people genuinely enjoyed it till, I started to not be as angry with myself. I was the only thing I could fix y/n wasn't here and I could n look at our home the same way anymore.
     Shawn was still trying to get with me, and honestly I didn't want to be more than friends. I wasn't looking for anyone, I knew my feelings for y/n would get in the way. I really did want to hurt anyone else,but he was so persistent. He recently released a song  that I knew was about me. 'Mercy', and he'd be performing after me......i was not prepared for Billboard at all. Dinah told me to suck it up and just talk to Ted- I mean y/n tonight so it wont be awkward on the day. Lauren being overly protective didn't want me near him anytime soon. No one really knew how he was doing especially when we heard about his mom. I can't believe no one told him till after her funeral. LiterAlly none of his family let him know. Which made me feel extremely worst about what I did. But I couldn't bring her back or change the past could I.
       I was currently out running while his welcome home party was going on. I know very dangerous, but I really didn't care. Someone kidnapping me or mugging me would not be a bad thing. I deserve something to happen to me so to hell with safety right. I was just about to pass Dinahs  street when my phone turned off. I hadn't realized I had ran the battery out. I sighed deciding whether  to  sneak in and his upstairs all night, or just keep running without tunes. I needed my music so i decided to sneak in. Hopefully by now everyone was drunk enough they wouldn't notice me, especially y/n.
      Everyone was over including a few of his exs turned friends. I took a deep breath before walking in. No one noticed because they were in the back yard which I was greatful for. I let out a breath a walked up the stairs stopping myself from looking for him. I took off my top leaving me in my sports bra as i got to my door. I opened it to see y/n sitting on the edge of my bed holding the letter he'd left with me over a year ago.
     My chest tightened up some and I was frozen in place. He was look in me up and down smiling some before looking at the ground.
     "Hey Mila."
        "Um hi."
  He looked so much different now. He had let his beard grow out some and It suited him. His hair was also a bit longer to where it dangled down in front I his face some, even though it was mostly tucked behind his ears. I had never noticed how curly it was till now...it was beautiful. He looked more muscular as well. He was wearing a plain white v-neck and I could see the outline of his abs slightly. I was used to seeing him in a band T, but he was more mature now.
      I stepped in and closed the door back behind me. I threw my shirt to the side and crossed my arms.
     "What are you doing up here?"
   He looked up and his eyes stopped at my stomach and chest before he stood up.
      "I was waiting for you. Mani Said you like to run late at night."
   "I do now yeah."
   He walked towards me and I could smell his cologne. Even it was different then how i remember it.  I closed my eyes for a second before moving away from him.
   "Why were you waiting for me, I thought you hated me." I cleared my throat looking back at him.
    He laughed shoving his hands in his pockets.
     "I see you never did read my letter Karla."
I immediatly rolled my eyes when he said my first name.
    "Don't call me that."
He just smiled before walking closer to me.
   "If you had read it, I told you i understood. That I know it wasn't just completely your fault. We were young. Still are. There were things wrong before she even came into the picture. And no i never cheated on you Mila. I just knew that that's what you were expecting. I needed to go off on my own and you needed a dose of reality."
    I just stared at him. Was he serious right now?
    "Yes I'm serious." He chuckled making me blush.
     "We needed to grow up a little. I mean I started noticing things that I'm sure you caught onto as well. We were neglecting each other in different ways."
    Yeah now he really lost me.
    "You neglected me? Are you crazy."
   "No I'm not. You were an experiment. I just wanted to see if I could call in love, and be chained down. The first part of our relationship I didnt really care what you did with yourself. I just wanted sex from you but then I started falling hard. Which is why I think I was ok with you not being around. It was what i was used to. Yeah you but me but I think I wanted you to, because it was all I knew. I was scared to be happy."
       He uncrossed my arms before kissing my hands.
   "I love you Camila but we both fucked up. I also put in that letter that I wasn't done with this. That I'd be back for you."
      I was in shock and I could tell he noticed that. He wrapped he arms around my waist and hugged me. I automatically wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him flush against my body. And yes he's gotten bigger, I really wanted to see his chest.
     "Have you been doing squats Mila?"
      "Yes......why?"
    "Because your ass I bigger then I remember."
     I moved back and slapped his arm. He laughed pulling me back against him.
     "Hey mila?"
    "Hmm."
   "I missed you. Like alot."
I let out a sigh bringing him closer if it were possible.
    "I missed you too Teddy."
        We stayed in my room talking about what we've been up to. We were just becoming friends, not like the first time around when we just jumped in. He told me about the tattoos he's gotten and all the places he went. He didnt just stay in one place he traveled around. I shared with him the things I'd learned how to do myself. I relied on him for a lot of things I should have, and before him, Dinah and mani, then austin, then my own parents before that. He told me he was proud of me, and that he couldn't wait to see me in action. Talked a little about Shawn which I wasn't as anxious talking about as I probably should have been.
     "Why didn't you give him a shot Mila he's sweet."
     "You're joking right? Yeah he's sweet but i was kinda crying over someone else rmember."
     "True, but I know you had a crush on him. You should be went for it."
    "Did you try with anyone then?" I snapped a little at him.
      He leaned back against my head board and shook his head laughing some.
    "Nope."
       "And why not? You seem pretty average enough."
    "Oh really? Well thanks I guess haha. No I couldn't my heart was somewhere else."
       He looked me up and down some biting his lip slightly.
     "Well so was mine. And stop staring you perv."
    I got up going to my closet looking for some clothes.
    "I'm going to take a shower, and then we can talk some more ok?"
   "Cool."
       I turned to see him yawn and stretch out some. My clock read 3am damn we were up for a while.
     "Scratch that just go get some sleep ok. You've had a long day."
     "No I'll wait for you to come back. I'm fine I promise."
       "Ok."
    I left the and took a shower, when I got back he was fast asleep. I shook my head walk in over and looking at him.
     "I'm not asleep loser. Just lay down wouldya."
    Guess he's not sleep.
     "And who said you could sleep in here?"
     "Your body language and the fact there aren't any stuffed animals in here."
       I rose my eyebrows. Blushing some.
     "And your point is?"
     "That you miss me, and probably haven't had a good night's sleep since we broke up. Come on I don't bite the girls I'm trying to lure in with my charm."
    I rolled over smirking at me. I didn't respond I just looked away. He grabbed my waist and pulled me down on the bed. I blushed trying to move away from him some, but he wrapped his arms around me from behind.
     "Just go to sleep Mila. We can talk about all of this later. I know you want to."
       I couldn't lie I hadn't been sleeping well, and he's so damn comfortable. I just relaxed and scooted closer to him drifting off.
      "I thought growing up meant not doing things like this with an ex you're still in love with."
       "You'd think but no. It's standard procedure."
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    Kinda meh but I'm coming. Sorry about the random parent info and time jumps. It'll straighten out soon so don't worry