The Vindicated With The Monstrous

Twenty Six

I'm not mad at you, I'm just disappointed, I guess. Where the fuck are you, Camila? You left right after you told me you'd be there for me, you told me you were going to be on my side. Don't you understand? You're the only thing I'm holding onto right now, you're the only thing I'm living for and I feel like you just up and left without a care in the world, or at least the decency to explain to me what the fuck is going on.

Lauren wrote to Camila on Friday night, not aware of what time it was, let alone that Camila had tried to visit her that day. She had no idea that Camila was trying to make efforts to leave her job and fully support her, and that the first thing Camila wanted to do was see Lauren, and that she, herself, is to blame for not being able to see her.

You know what fuck it, I should have never let myself get hooked on you. I should've never gotten my hopes up. I should've known better than to fall in love, all that ever comes from it in the end is pain.

By the time Lauren was let out of solitary confinement, it had been almost two whole days and she felt herself completely devoid of energy and life. She was like a walking zombie, emotionless and no longer had much of a will to even try to do anything. She didn't even feel the need to write something to Camila anymore, she lost hope. It was saturday already, she was in a normal cell. If Camila wanted to visit her, this seemed like the perfect time, it was the weekend, but the day went by, and she wasn't coming. Lauren knew that she wasn't coming, and she couldn't help but feel like she just didn't care anymore. If Camila didn't care about her, then she should stop caring too.

Lauren spent most of the day feeling empty, almost as if there was not much left inside of her to feel or even properly function.

"Inmate, it's dinner time get out," Officer Lewis yelled in her cell.

Lauren didn't budge though, just stayed sitting cross-legged on her bed, staring at the wall. When he started yelling she finally processed a response and muttered, "I'm not hungry."

The cell was quite enough for him to still hear her through as he relied, "Inmate, are you refusing to eat?" Officer Lewis looked at her questionably while he added, "You do know that I'd have to put you in solitary yet again for that?"

"I don't care," Lauren muttered again, not a single body part budging while her eyes zeroed in on a single brick in the wall.

Officer Lewis sighed, he didn't know what to do, he could see that something was very off with his prisoner but he had to follow his orders. She needed to eat, and he had to be the one to make her do it. He didn't want to have to put anyone in solitary more than once but Lauren just seemed to know how to push him. He walked up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Get up, now, we are going to the cafeteria," he demanded.

His hand on her arm is what finally caused Lauren to turn her head and look at him. Her jaw clenched, an indication of the anger that was building up inside of her, before she slowly repeated, "I said, I am not hungry."

"That's it! Inmate, you must fucking love solitary because you just got yourself another trip there."

Lauren shrugged her shoulders in ambivalence before she began to be dragged away. She was put right back in the same cell, the same emptiness still there as she sat down on the familiar bed and blankly stared forward. After a few moments, tears were rolling down her cheeks and she didn't bother to even wipe them. She didn't feel like she had energy to do anything but just sit right there on her bed.

Lauren was sure that since Camila didn't come today, she wouldn't be coming anymore. Maybe she quit, Lauren thought, maybe she just decided to remove herself from the case altogether, to remove herself from Lauren. It made sense to Lauren, she was a toxic person anyway. Lauren promised herself that she wouldn't ever let herself get attached to anyone, because she knew that she'd just end up hurt in the end. People are meant to leave Lauren, whether intentionally or not, they always do and that's the way it was suppose to be.