poetry by a girl who's afraid of herself //

Toxicity

no matter how much i smoke and get high, you're always on my mind.
no matter how many times i flirt with other girls, my heart still yearns for yours.
no matter how many times i check my phone, your cute messages never show up.
no matter how hard i try to rid the toxins in my heart that you've caused, the harder it becomes to detox you out.

the longer i keep acting like i'm over you, the longer i keep saying i'm fine?
it'll rise up to the surface within due time.

so i don't know what i should do anymore. i'm tired of doing nothing. but i'm tired of trying and still thinking of what we used to have and what we could've been.

but that's life; it's always full with "could have's" and "should have been's"

but i actually wanted you so bad, the point to where your body shakes and your heart beats so fast and your mind is just consumed with everything they are. but i was so focused on what we could have been, i never noticed that you'd given your heart to someone else while i sat there giving you my world and you taking it and giving it to her.