poetry by a girl who's afraid of herself //

Emotions.

Wow. I'm so sick.
I'm so sick of being second choice.
I'm so sick of not even being an option.
I'm so desperate for you, I'm praying to a god you and I don't believe in.

I'm so tired.
God I'm so tired.
I'm tired of not being good enough.
I'm tired of thinking about you at 2am hurting with our memories and what we used to be.
I'm tired of pain. The only thing I've felt since you left me on this floor dying with no one to help me.

I'm so damaged from all the emotional scars you've left me with.
I'm so damaged from you that things I used to love don't even make me smile anymore.
But you don't care. Otherwise you wouldn't have left me here tied to this chair without any air.

I'm so scared
God I'm so scared that I'll die with you on my mind and I won't even be on yours.
I don't know what happened. You used to be so kind. But apparently you got bored and cut the cord that held us together.

You left me on this roller coaster of emotions and I don't know how to get off of it.
Maybe I'll get off of this ride. Hopefully with some pride.

I'm done feeling emotions.
I'm drowning in this ocean of yours, barely being able to swim to shore.
These emotions hit me like the rocks on the bottom of this ocean floor.

Our so called "love" hit me hardcore.
But you'll play this game once more.
However, sorry to tell you..
I've swum to shore. I've gotten off of that emotional roller coaster. And frankly.. I've won this war that you've caused me. And now I put the past behind me on a shelf. And I'm becoming somewhat close to what I used to be before you came around. I might even be myself.