poetry by a girl who's afraid of herself //

Finally aware of the bullshit you kept feeding me.

i don't understand how you can continuously hurt me without a care. you say you don't like to or mean to but you do it anyways. what's the fucking point of telling me you love me and then to confess to me that you have feelings for another girl as well and that she's aware and likes you back. but if you wanna stay single then why express your feelings in the first place to her? i'm so fucking confused. every day more and more i believe you don't mean half the shit you tell me. why do i keep fucking loving you when you hurt me so much? why can't i let you go. i'm so sick of this. i'm so fucking sick of it. i'm always put last. my feelings don't matter to you. at all. and i just need to get that through my head so i can fucking leave and be happy. and watch you'll regret all the shit you did to me the one person who actually gave a shit and loved you more than life itself. you're gonna regret having someone to vent and to cry with. you're gonna regret letting me go and hurting me. or you won't and you'll be happier when i'm gone since that seems to be all you fucking want. stop telling me you love me if you're gonna stab my heart the next second. just stop. i can't even hate you because i love you so much. i'm going to leave one day and you're gonna either be regretful or happy. when i run out of heart for you to destroy that's when you'll finally give me up and throw me away. do i wait until then? or do i prolong it and stay.  either way, i'm getting hurt and you'll be fine. but i won't be around to find out. i hope you enjoy your life sticking needles into people's heart as if it's some toy.