poetry by a girl who's afraid of herself //

love isnt all beautiful.

I keep writing about you..

A lot of people think that the words to my poems are beautiful and breath taking..
But what they don't know is that I just created it to look that way. They don't know that those so called "beautiful" words are just something I use to hide the ugly things you've actually done and said.

So I turn my hate and rage towards you into love and hope. And at one point,
I was that way, I was the way that I thought I'd always be..

But then you came along and made sure that was the last thing I felt. You came along and I thought you were the solution to my problems.. However, you were the wrong answers for my rightfully asked questions;
you were the reason I got worse instead of getting better; you were the reason for me being so lost; you are the reason that I can't seem to get over you and what you did to me.

So yeah I'll write another poem about you and make you seem like a god.
However, the only reason those poems are so beautifully written is because it's what I wanted you to be, it's what I wanted US to be, and since I couldn't have that, and you couldn't be that person that I thought you were going to be.. I write it down and pretend that's what happened. And that was who you were. But it's not.
It's all make believe, it's all bullshit.

Because I know who you truly are, and if wrote that in a poem?

It would be the ugliest, most truthful poem I could write.

So as this poem comes to an end, and there's actually no poetic way to say that you're a piece of shit and that I regret ever laying eyes on you, I'll end it with this ;

I wanted you, but didn't need you.
And you needed me, but didn't want me.