Silent

Chapter 2

After I finally stopped crying, I made my way back to the house. I didn't want to go home, but I had nowhere else to go. The world pretty much hated me because of our YouTube videos, so I knew I pretty much had to go home. I was still kind of sensitive about what had happened before I left, but there was nothing I could do. Except maybe go to bed and never leave the warm blankets ever again, but then again I needed food. Food was always good. Especially the pasta.

I paced outside the door for at least 10 minutes before I finally went inside. The boys were still in the same spots I left them in. If anything they seemed to be having even more fun than when I left. They even brought out the alcohol. There's no way I was taking care of drunk people. Especially drunk people that had just treated me horribly.

I didn't bother to talk to any of them. Instead, I just headed straight up the stairs and into my room. I took my phone out and started to play some Elvis music. I don't really know what it was about Elvis that seemed to calm me down, but whenever I was really struggling I just had to listen to him and I would immediately feel 20x better.

This time, however, not even the king himself could help me. I felt abandoned and betrayed and like no one actually cared about me. I threw myself face down on my bed. I just wanted to sleep. I really liked to sleep. It helped get my mind off of stuff I didn't want to think about like nothing else.

Sleep refused to come to me.

Sighing, I got up and retrieved my guitar. I started to play along to the music I had playing in the background. Eventually, I got tired of that too.

Sometimes, you start to feel so sad that nothing helps. You're just forced to walk around with a giant hole in your chest, that absolutely nothing can fix. Then, you just constantly have an emptiness inside of you that literally drains your life away.

When I was younger. Around 13 years old, I think. I was diagnosed with severe depression. I had freaked my entire family out to the point my Mum took me to a therapist.

I was so sad that I had stopped eating. Then, eventually I had stopped sleeping as well. I was basically barely functioning. I think that was when Luke and I started to drift apart. He was content on his laptop watching movies or YouTube videos, but I was distant and basically crying out for help that it took forever for me to receive.

My weight had dropped so drastically that my school ended up calling my Mum. It was then that she took me to see a therapist. She was a nice, petite woman that seemed to really care about helping me. She prescribed me some anti-depressants and my world became brighter. I was eventually able to quit taking them, but lately the haters have been getting to me. That combined with what my brothers said to me made my depression feel like it was coming back full-force.

I couldn't really tell though, it had merely been a few hours. Not nearly long enough to tell if I needed my meds again.
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I woke up the next morning feeling worse than I did the night before. I didn't even want to get out of bed, but I knew I had to. If I didn't I would just annoy Luke even further when he had to wake me up to film. Although, I knew that I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I was too emotionally drained for that.

It wasn't long until Luke came barging in through my door. I immediately wanted to tell him everything, but I stopped myself. If he didn't want me to talk to him, then I wasn't going to.

"Jai! Get out of bed. We have lots to do today." Luke yelled from where he stood by the door. I didn't move. I wanted to, but at the same time I couldn't let myself. Luke took a closer step to my bed, and found out I was actually wide awake. "Oh. You're not asleep. Hurry up and get up."

Luke left the room, but I still couldn't get up. I didn't want to. 15 minutes later Luke came back in to find me still in bed.

"Come on, Jai. For once in your life quit being selfish and get out of bed. We have a lot to do today and you just laying there isn't really helping right now." Luke nagged. I looked down before getting up wordlessly. Luke stood there like he was waiting for me to say something to him, but I knew it wasn't worth it. He was just trying to instigate me. I knew I wasn't selfish. I cared too much about my friends and family. Luke, however, seemed set on thinking that I was selfish, and has told all of our fans this countless times in the past.

Honestly, it made me feel like crap.

"Are you even going to say something to me?" Luke asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I wordlessly shook my head. It wasn't worth it. "Is this about last night?! Quit being such a baby, Jai!" Luke scoffed and walked out of my room.

I knew he was obviously mad at me, but I really couldn't bring myself to care at this point. So, I got dressed and miserably made my way downstairs.

"About time! Wow!" Luke complained. I put my head down. I didn't want to fight. I don't even want to talk.

"Aww is little Jye upset?" Beau teased, making me shoot him a glare. I ignored him, but that's what I usually do with Beau. He's not worth it in the end, and I could already tell today was going to be a bad day.