Silent

Chapter 14

I made it to my room without any suspicion. That was the last thing I wanted tonight, of all nights. I had fulfilled my promise to Olivia. I didn't owe her a single thing anymore. I had introduced her to Luke, and surprisingly they had actually hit it off. I know I should've been happy for them, but instead I felt strange. I don't  know how to describe it, but it was almost as if I was jealous.

I didn't have to worry about that anymore, though. I would be gone pretty soon, and no one was even going to try to stop me. No one cared enough to stop me.

I felt tears rush to my eyes. No one cares, and I surely wasn't going to stay around much longer if I wasn't wanted. I wish I could at least say goodby, but I knew I couldn't. Instead, I tweeted "I'm sorry", hoping that no one would catch onto my plan.

I walked to my bathroom and sat on the floor, leaning against the tub.  Carefully, I took the knife out of my pocket and stared at it.

It was funny how something seemingly so harmless could hurt you so badly. I was finally ready for this, though. I was ready to end my life.

"Jai?" I heard my oldest brother's voice travel through the door. My face went pale as I hurriedly hid the knife under my bed.

"Come in!" I called as I threw myself on my bed. The door creaked open and I was met with the worried face of my brother. That was weird. Beau never worried about anyone, and even if he did I was the last person he would worry about.

"Jai, are you okay?" Beau asked, surprising me. I bit my lip. I was tempted to just tell him everything and hope for the best, but I knew that I couldn't do that. Luke's reaction to me taking antidepressants again was proof of that. The only person I could trust was myself, no matter how much I wanted that to be a huge lie.

"Yeah, Beau. I'm perfectly fine." I lied, faking a smile. Beau frowned at me and then sat next to me on my bed.

"What's going on with you, Jai? You invited you're girlfriend over, and then you lock yourself up in your room. Tell me if I'm crazy, but shouldn't you be down there flirting with her instead of letting Luke lead her on." Beau asked. I felt my heart clench at his words. Luke was playing with her. Of course he was.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I groaned. "She's just a fan that threatened to expose a secret of mine if I didn't introduce her to Luke. She's strictly a Luke girl, ok? Besides, who cares if he is leading her on? She doesn't care about me and I don't care about her! And after tonight I'll probably never see her again because I don't matter to her, Luke does!"

"I don't know what she's threatening you with, Jai." Beau said seriously. "I just know that it must be something big if you're willing to do all of this, just so she could meet Luke."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Beau!" I looked away.

"And you do?" He countered, "You like her don't you? Just admit it."

"I don't like her! I just want her out of my life. Why is that so hard for you to understand ?" I yelled, starting to get angry.

"Because you're lying to yourself. If she thinks that Luke is so great, why don't you just show her who the better twin for her is?" Beau teased. I was seeing red after this statement, and couldn't control what came out of my mouth next.

"Because Luke is the better twin! I'm just the screw-up that looks like him. Everyone knows that, and honestly I'm sick of wasting time by being jealous. I know that I'll never  be good enough and that I'll never make real friends or fall in love because Luke will just naturally snatch them away like usual! I'm okay with that, though. I'm fine with being alone."

"Jai..." Beau breathed, but was quickly interrupted.

"Is that what you really think?" Luke's angry voice spoke from the doorway. I looked away from him, only to be met by Olivia's piercing stare. "Answer me, Jai!"

"Yes." I whispered. Luke looked at a loss for words and Olivia and Beau just stood in my room awkwardly.

"I'll take you home, Olivia." Beau broke the silence, causing Olivia to nod. Luke waited until they were out of the house before he started to yell at me again.

"Are we really brothers?!" Luke yelled, "Because I honestly don't know anymore. Who gets jealous of their twin brother, Jai?"

"I-I don't know." I stuttered, not being able to take much more of his yelling.

"You don't know?! That's just perfect!" Luke laughed, sarcastically. "It was bad enough that you take antidepressants, but now you start spouting all of this garbage."

"You're ashamed aren't you?" I asked quietly, meeting his gaze for the first time that night.

"Jai..." Luke trailed off, looking away. I couldn't believe my eyes. He was ashamed of me. He just proved it.

"Fine then, here." I snapped, getting his attention. I opened up my bedside table drawer and pulled out my bottle of antidepressants. Luke looked at me with questioning eyes as I walked to my bathroom, but he didn't follow me. I stared intently at the bottle before dumping the contents inside and flushing them. That should make Luke happy.

"What did you just flush?" Luke furrowed his eyebrows. I simply threw the empty pill bottle at him. "What's this?"

"Congrats, Luke. You're so ashamed of me taking them? Well guess what? You don't have to worry about that anymore. I won't take them again! Happy now?"

"I thought you needed those?" Luke whispered, wide-eyed.

"I do, but not for much longer."