Silent

Chapter 15

"Jai, you're not thinking straight. You can't just get rid of your antidepressants just like that." Luke stared at me wide-eyed. I rolled my eyes at him. I had enough and I just wanted everything to end once and for all.

"I just did, and you're ashamed of me for taking them anyways. So, why does it matter to you?" I chuckled humorously. Luke gave me a strange look at this. He took a gentle step towards me and I panicked. I took several steps backwards, away from him.

"Jai, I think you need to calm down right now." Luke said slowly, trying to calm me down.

"No, just don't touch me!" I screamed when Luke reached out to place a hand on my shoulder. Luke recoiled back in shock at my scream. I almost never yell at Luke. "Just...leave. Please, Luke."

"I don't think I should leave you alone right now, Jai." Luke argued, biting his lip and moving to sit on my bed. I stared at him. Since when did he actually care? He moved to get off the bed and come closer, but when he did his foot hit the knife I had haphazardly hid under my bed. I closed my eyes tightly, so I didn't have to see his face when he reached down and grabbed it.

"Luke..." I had no idea what to say to him. It's not every day you find a huge knife under your twin's bed.

"Jai, look at me!" Luke snapped, causing me to look at him. "Explain! Right now!"

"I don't know what to say." I admitted, before looking down again.

"Just talk to me already, Jai! You never let me in anymore." Luke yelled, frustrated and angry. "You only shut me out. You didn't even think about letting me know about how depressed you were getting again. How do you think that makes me feel?"

"It's not really any of your business, to be honest." I rolled my eyes just to spite him.

"Yeah, because your life is just so bad." Luke matched my eye roll. "Just what were you planning on doing with this knife Jai?"

"This." Before he could react, I reached out and jerked the knife away from him. While his shock was still registering, I plunged the knife into my wrist and jerked it, trying to puncture an artery. Blood started dripping from my arm and I was starting to feel dizzy, but I chanced a look at Luke anyways. His face was ghost white, and he looked absolutely horrified.

"Oh my- Jai, what did you do?" Luke yelled, as he tackled me and wrapped a random shirt around my wrist in an attempt to stop the bleeding. "Just stay awake, Jai. I'll call an ambulance!"

"Just let it happen, Luke." I groaned in an attempt to stop him, but I was too late. He was already calling for an ambulance.

"Yes, my twin brother just stabbed himself with a knife right in front of me and he's losing blood fast." Luke scrambled out. His grip on my wrist tightened, but somehow I started to feel it less and less and I knew that I was dying at that point.

"This is what I want, Luke. Just remember that." I whispered to the tear-stained face of my twin brother right before everything went black.

This is what I wanted.

-

I woke up to the familiar white ceiling and incessant beeping that was known as a hospital room. Luke saved me. That was the one thing I didn't want. I just wanted to die. There was no reason for me to be alive anymore. Everything seemed absolutely hopeless at this point. There was nothing that could make this life any worse. I sounded melodramatic, but I was just so done and ready to sleep forever.

"I think he's waking up..." I heard a voice whisper. Well yeah, that's obvious.

I forced my eyes open and was met face-to-face with Luke himself. The one person that did the wrong thing at the wrong time. I felt even more broken than I already was just by looking at him.

"I hate you." I whispered, my voice cracking from disuse. Luke flinched back at my words and hurt filled his eyes. Good, it's what he deserved. I never asked to be saved.

"That's some way to treat the guy that saved your life." Olivia's voice spoke from next to him. I turned my head and looked into her beautiful green eyes. I couldn't deal with her and Luke too.

"Just leave already, Olivia. I've had enough of you. I don't care about whatever it is you decide to tell the world about me anymore. I just want to be dead!" I yelled, causing them both to flinch back at my words.

"You don't mean that!" Luke yelled, not wanting to believe it.

"But, I do. You see these." I pointed to the section of my wrist that wasn't covered by bandages. "These are proof that I hate myself and that everyone would just be better off without me. You shouldn't have saved me, Luke. If I was dead then you wouldn't have to live with an embarrassment that looks like you any longer."

"You're not an embarrassment, Jai." Luke bit his lip.

"I don't know what's funnier. The fact that you're trying to convince me or the fact that you're trying to convince yourself at the same time."