Silent

Chapter 22

I had another appointment with Sonya today, and I honestly was not looking forward to it at all. Things had grown tense between Luke and I again after I had tried to drown myself. I couldn't blame him for being mad at me. I knew it must hurt really bad to have your own twin brother attempt suicide twice in such a short span of time.

When Luke and I walked into Sonya's office, she raised an eyebrow at us. It was extremely obvious that we had been fighting.

"Okay then." Sonya started out. "I'm sensing a little tension. Which one of you wants to tell me how the week went?"

"Jai tried to drown himself." Luke blurted out, clenching his fists in anger. Oh yeah, I could tell his short temper was wearing thin.

"I see. And when did this happen." Sonya asked.

"A few days ago." Luke supplied while I sat there glaring daggers at his face.

"Jai, do you have anything you'd like to say to Luke about this?" She asked.

"You should have let he just die." I replied without any hesitation.

"Stop saying that!" Luke screamed.

"Luke!" Sonya scolded harshly. "There will be no yelling in this room. Jai is free to say what he's feeling even if you don't necessarily like it."

"I'm miserable, Luke. Can't you see my that?" I whispered.

"I don't understand!" Luke groaned. "You were doing so much better then all at once you try to kill yourself again. Why? I thought we were accomplishing something."

"Did something happen, Jai?" Sonya asked, knowingly.

"Yes. Okay, yes something happened." I groaned in defeat. "I got a phone call from someone that shattered me even more than she already has."

"Yet, he refuses to tell me what she said to him." Like scoffed.

"It really isn't a big deal!" I sighed.

"It's not a big deal? I was the one that had to pull you out of the lake."

"Jai, have you ever wondered how Luke would feel if you died?" Sonya interrupted our argument.

"He'd probably be happy because he'd finally be the only twin." I spat, glaring at Luke.

"Why don't we try this: how would you feel if Luke killed himself, Jai?" Sonya reworded her question.

"I don't know." I looked away. I couldn't take the way Luke was looking at me.

"I think you know." Sonya insisted, giving me a reassuring nod.

"I...I'd be angry. And I would be heartbroken too. My twin brother means the world to me. He's my best friend even when I hate him. Honestly, if Luke killed himself, I would follow without any hesitation."

"Jai, look at me." Luke ordered after I finished talking. I shook my head. What i said was embarrassing and I didn't want Luke to tease me about it. "Come on, Jai. Please look at me."

"There, happy now?" I laced my voice with venom as I looked up at his face.

"Yes, because I need you to know that what you just said is almost exactly the way I feel."Luke smiled and hugged me.

"Really?" I asked. "Even when you get sick of listening to my voice?"

"I'm sorry Jai." Luke apologized, biting his lip. "But I have a really short temper that I can't always control. I never mean the things I say to you when I do lose my temper, though."

"It's okay. Someone has to be your personal punching bag." I smiled sarcastically at him.

-

"How was therapy?" Beau asked as Luke and I climbed in his car to go home.

"Same as always." Luke ground out unhappily.

"Beau can you stop at that art store I used to go to all of the time?" I asked out of nowhere.

"Yeah, Jai, of course." Beau blinked in surprise. It's been a long time since I did anything artistic. I've been distracted and I wanted to change that. Art had always been a way for me to escape reality, so maybe it could help me escape my thoughts as well.

"I shouldn't be long." I promised my brothers as I jumped out of the car. I loved this store when I was younger. I used to spend all of my money here without any regrets. As I walked down the isles I saw all sorts of things that I could use, but nothing really stood out like I wanted it to.

Finally, I turned down one isle and saw what I was looking for. Sketchbooks were everywhere, but it was what was next to those sketchbooks that really caught my attention. Smiling a genuine smile I picked up the items I wanted and went to the checkout. I think that getting back into art would help a lot.

In fact, I still had a goofy grin on my face as I walked back to the car. I ignored the looks my brothers gave each other as I sat in the car, clutching my bag tightly.

"Okay, dude. You walk into an art store and come out smiling like a creep?" Luke chuckled.

"Shut up Luke!" I playfully yelled. "At least I'm not madly in love with a camera!"