I Have Always Loved You

Chapter 34

Dan POV

It's been a couple months since I confessed to Phil and I had hoped, with all my heart, that it wouldn't affect our friendship but he doesn't talk to me at all. I spent the first week after that mess in my bed, crying and barely eating. He stayed at Pj's house for a while but he has come back to sleep here now.

This situation is just reinforcing the fact that I ruin everything. I was just becoming friends with him again and we were close just like we used to be. But I let my emotions get the better of me and I confessed, what kind of stupid person does this?

However, Chris and I have been talking more and were becoming closer, he's such a good friend and I really appreciate that he has  stuck with me through all this.

My youtube has been growing too, I've also been updating more which my subscribers seem to like. Everyone on there seems cool but I'm so awkward I can't talk to them without fear of completely freaking out. 

I miss talking to Phil so much, and I hate having to do everything on my own suddenly. There's no pizza nights or staying up until 2am playing Mario Cart or just talking until the sun comes up. Its such a lonely reality without him and I regret every single thing I said that night.

Phil POV

Painful. That's what the past months have been like. Pj is more distant than ever and I haven't spoken to Dan since my birthday, I can't even look at him without wanting to cry or scream or just cease my existence. 

My life has become extremely dull and I wish I could just go back to Christmas and relive the two weeks after that, and nothing more. They were such good days and the sudden loss is making me want them so much more.

People always say that you should remember how you felt when you were happy so you can remember the feeling when you feel sad again but to be honest, thinking about being with Dan is just making this experience even worse.

I bought all of Dan's food and put it outside his door with a note that read:

Hey Dan,

I'm sorry for everything that's happened, I would love to talk about it sometime and just try to sort this out. I hope you're okay.

Phil x

I placed the note in the box and left to run some errands.