Notorious || J. Cole & Beyonce

Chapter 14.

Beyoncé

I open my eyes to see myself laying on a hospital bed. My arms are injected with wires and I see scars on my wrists. I look to my right and see Jermaine sleeping, while holding my hand. What was I doing here?..

"Baby?" I shake Jermaine to wake up. He slowly opens his eyes and I see that they are full on red and he looks tired. "Beyoncé..." he looks at me and begins crying. "Jay what the hell is going on?" I say confused. "I'm so sorry baby.." he hugs me. I see our doctor come in with a worried look in her eyes. "Jermaine, tell me it's nothing related to our baby.." I look at him and he starts crying again. "Oh my God.." I close my eyes and pray that my baby it's okay, if it's gone, I wouldn't know what to do.

"Hello Beyoncé how are you feeling?" Our doctor, Sandra said to me. "Can you tell me what is going on?" I say quite annoyed. She looked at Jermaine, and he nodded, as a signal that she can tell me.

"Ms. Knowles, you were pregnant with twins, and due to blood loss and stress, baby A couldn't resist. We hoped we could save it, but when you arrived to the hospital, it was already gone. I'm so sorry for your loss." She says caressing my hand, "I will give you guys some privacy, I will come back to give you some tests." She says leaving the room.

"Baby.." Jermaine looks at me wiping my tears. I couldn't even talk, I felt the biggest heartache. Another miscarriage?

Why? Just why?

"Jermaine, I wasn't even pregnant with twins, when we came to the hospital-" I say but Jermaine cuts me off, "I know I know Bey, but along your pregnancy, a fetus grew and it was that small that they couldn't see it." He holds my hand. I take a deep breath trying to process all of the information I was given.

"Beyoncé, tell me what did you do to loose all of that blood.." he looks at me and I remain silent, I can't even tell him what's happening this couple months. "Jay I can't tell you, I'm sorry." I cry, "it's alright, I already know. When we get home we'll talk about it. Get some rest, imma go call our families, I love you" he kisses me and leaves the room.

I lay down and close my eyes, letting my heartache out, by crying.  I don't know what I've done to deserve this. But the lord knows what he's doing, all I have to do is trust him..

•••
Two days later

"Beyoncé eat it" Jermaine says holding the fork near my mouth, forcing me to eat. "No, move" I roll my eyes. "So freaking stubborn" he sighs.

Since I've came out of the hospital, I'm pretty sure I only ate twice, I haven't been speaking to no one, I just layed in my bed all day long.

"Bey, at least do it for our baby" he applies, and I had to do it. Sometimes I forget I'm still pregnant and don't eat for hours. I know it wrong but my pain tells me to.

"Damn Jermaine, this is bomb. You did it?!" I say shocked as I taste the Mac n Cheese. Since I got pregnant I had to force Jermaine to learn how to cook, so he could cook for me when I couldn't. He nodded, smiling to the fact that I'm finally eating. "So, I guess we need to talk.." He says looking at me. As much I as wanted to avoid the subject, I couldn't anymore.

"I've been doing it for a while now, I started when I lost our first baby and then it got worse when you cheated, I felt like I wasn't worth nothing and I wasn't good enough.." I say avoiding looking at him, I felt ashmed. "And I'm so sorry, that was the cause of us loosing our child." I wipe a tear from my eye. "I need therapy Jermaine, all of this happening.. I can't cope with all of this." "Don't worry I got you, I got us" Jermaine kisses me. "I love you."

J.Cole

"You can't tell anyone alright? This between us" I say putting clothes back on. "Ok Jermaine damn I got it." She rolls her eyes. "Damn Chantel chill. Imma bounce. Bye" I leave her house.

I don't know why I keep repeating the same mistake. I swore I would never do it again but I do it again. If Beyoncé finds out she will probably call the engagement off.

I get in my car and sit there to try gather my thoughts. I see my phone ringing and it's Bey.
I take a deep breath and answer it, try my best not to sound nervous.

"Hi baby" I hear her say, I can tell she's in a good mood. "Where you at?" "I'm in the studio, but I'm already in my car. You want anything?" I lie, always the same lie. "I want some Krispy Kreme. The usual." She giggles, now after everything, she's finally cheering up, and I'm lowkey messing it up. "Your baby kicked for the first time. You missed it." "Damn, it's cool, when I arrive she's gone do it again." "Doubt it. But yeah drive safe baby I love you." "Yeah love you more, bye." I quickly hang up.
I can't believe what I was doing.

I don't deserve Beyoncé..