We Shall Heal

Friday March 3rd.

I saw Darren today at the grocery store. I've been avoiding him for months and here he was in the most ridiculous place ever. Why was he even in the grocery store? Didn't my ma do his groceries?

I wish I could say I was brave and I walked up to him and slapped him or confronted him but I was so shocked I literally stood frozen in place. I was hoping, I was praying he wouldn't see me but just then he turned. I could tell he was surprised as well, he raised his eyebrow at me and smiled and waved. Like we were good friends. And gosh I hate myself right now. But I miss him, I want him back. I wanted him to hold me in his arms like he used to when we were together and kiss me with those lips of his. Then I saw his friends who I used to hang out with also. And I stopped in my tracks. Can you believe me? I was walking towards him. I really was. Then I ran out of the store without the groceries, so ma had to make sandwiches for dinner. She didn't say a word. She didn't scold me, she didn't ask what went wrong, she didn't even reply. I just murmured my apologies and she looked away. And it hurt me even worse that it would if she had replied. I'm so angry at myself for being pathetic and failing to do the simplest deed of getting groceries, at Darren for breaking my heart and hurting me this much, at ma for not scolding me, at dad for dying on us and leaving us alone, at Doctor Chris for being so utterly useless and failing to fix me and at myself again for letting all this happen to ma and me... I'm so mad.