We Shall Heal

Tuesday July 11th.

It's been raining heavily all throughout the week. When I woke up today morning it was still raining but I decided I would go and visit dad. Of course the weather was horrid and it pissed me off a little. It just so randomly starts to rain when I decide to visit my dad. How ironic! So today I just about had it. I didn't care anymore, I walked in the rain all the way to the cemetery for 25 minutes. When I got to the cemetery I was seething in anger and didn't feel like talking to dad. But I did anyway. I sat by his stone and played with the grass and I told him how the year has gone so far. How ma was doing. How I was doing. Then I told him I missed him. I told him I heard his favorite song last week and that I've been listening to it all week. Then I sang it to him.

If the sky we look up
Should tumble and fall
Or the mountains
Should crumble to the seas
I won't cry.

And I didn't. I didn't shed a tear on my father's grave. I loved him. I still love him dearly. And it makes me sad that I won't get to hear his laughter or feel his embrace ever again. But my daddy isn't dead. He's living in my heart and in my memory. I love you daddy.

The rain stopped when I was talking to dad and the clouds cleared a little and the sun shone through. When I stood to leave I was shivering. But I was happy. I am happy.