We Shall Heal

Friday September 15th.

Dear dad,

The weather is definitely letting up but coach insisted we have a couple of races this September before the weather let up completely. It was my first race since your death. And I guess it's habit cause I kept on glancing at the bleachers, forgetting I no longer had someone cheering for me there. I left a reminder for ma, telling her about my race. But she didn't show up. We don't talk anymore and if you were here, I'm sure you would have been disappointed. It's my fault dad. I made her hate me. I hate me too sometimes.

There was this girl who was angry when her mother showed up like, 10 minutes, I think, late. She was in the 100 meter race. She got into this huge row with her mother and I don't know I just became so mad. Here was someone whose mother obviously cared for her and she was yelling at her for being late?? I wish my ma was late. I wish she would come even if it was at the end of the race. But she isn't coming and those that come aren't appreciated. Did I ever do that to you dad? Did I ever take you for granted? I'm sorry dad. I'm sorry I was not the best daughter out there. I'm sorry I took you for granted. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you until it was too late.

And dad - I'm sorry I pulled out from the race tonight, just because I let some girl's words get to me. But I feel like running isn't what it used to be without you shouting my name. I miss you pa!