We Shall Heal

Friday October 20th.

Dear dad,

I ran today. I participated in a race. To be honest I almost pulled out again, but coach wouldn't have any of that he dragged me to the track. I tried fighting against him and just managed to have a panic attack on the track, in front of the school, right as we were 'on our marks'. I was so mortified but I couldn't breath, my chest was constricting and I was crying. The race was delayed because of me. And when coach pulled me aside to calm down, he gave me a bottle of water and told me - I don't know what is wrong with you, kiddo. But I know you are stronger than that. Join us when you are ready.

And the race resumed. I don't know if it was the coach's words or just my fear of being remembered as the girl who broke down on a race track or my fear of letting you down, but when I was done with my water I asked coach for another chance and he gave it to me. On the 400 meter race.

I was shaking and almost walked away again. But then I remembered I am stronger than that. And when I stole a peek at the bleachers and saw all the students and parents cheering I knew I was stronger than walking away. If not for you then for them. They reminded me of you.

I ran as best I could, and I finished third, which is pretty good, if you consider I haven't been running in a while. But you know me and you know I've never been third in my life and you know I'm competitive, I'm gonna show that first bitch just what I'm made up of.