We Shall Heal

Monday July 17th.

Today another kid committed suicide. Some boy in another ward. This time it feels like the hospital is more shaken than when Zoe killed herself. Maybe it's because this time I wasn't involved with this kid. I'm just observing from the outside. I'm an observer to the passing of another kid who probably would've had a pretty decent life if the universe hadn't screwed him over. The kid next to me is saying something, but it's just the two of us in here. Maybe he's talking to me.

****

Yes, he was talking to me. And we talked for hours. But he's gone for his physiotherapy session. He told me that he's amused that people are pretending like they are hurt or affected by this.

Maybe they really are.

I doubt it. No one really cares.

We are alone in this world. That kid, you and me, no one gives a good crap about us whether we die or live. We are just disposable and replaceable. We don't matter to them.

But we do matter. To someone at least.

We don't. WE DON'T! I went to school with that kid. He had a brain problem, he slurred his speech and was slow to learn and he moved about in a wheelchair. And they...they hated him. They bullied him. They called him names. Everyone hates us cause we are different. Because we are not the same as them. Look at me, I'm a fucking terrorist in America. My mother is a terrorist. My father is a terrorist. My sisters are terrorists. My aunts and uncle. Because we are different.

We are different.

And you...you are just dumb and violent. No, they'll say you are equal and you matter. They'll say all races are important. But they'll look at you like an alien when you do anything. No matter how educated or special you are, you'll still be black. You'll still be a slave.

I-I..

No one black has come to visit you. And you think the white are your family. Ignorant. I hate people. I hate everyone. I hate white people. They'll use different words to call you crazy. Try to confuse you with therapy and medicines. Tell you the world is a happy place. But every person is bloody selfish. No one cares.

(When I couldn't reply, he took out a cigarette and lit it up. When he started humming a tune I regained my bargains.)

You might be correct, maybe we don't matter and no one cares. Maybe I am a slave and your a terrorist and that kid is mutated. Maybe different is scary. But we are above all that. We are conquerors. We are renegades. We don't fit in with the society. We probably never will. It shouldn't matter to us. I think...I think we should live our lives to the fullest. Without inhibiting ourselves out of fear. If they don't care we shouldn't. I think we should be happy. We'll probably never be able to prove to white people that not every black person is violent or dumb. Or that every Arabic person is a terrorist. If we can't change something, let's not let it tamper with our happiness and joy. We are above all that.

We didn't get to talk anymore because his nurse came to take him to his physio. And I realized we probably don't fit in in this society and we won't. But we can rise above all that. We can rise above society. Do you hear that Zoe? We can rise above it all.