We Shall Heal

Wednesday June 21st.

Today the homeless lady talked to me again. And today we talked about love. I told her about my relationship with Darren and she told me she felt it was genuine enough. Then she asked me why I was hurting so much if all I did was love him. Wasn't love meant to be good?

I'm hurting...because he hurt me. He...disregarded my love for him. It feels like he used me. I'm hurting cause he's not here with me. I wish he was...and I miss him.

But he was never yours?

He isn't now but he used to be.

No he was never yours. You gave him your love and a ticket to your heart. And your hurting because you couldn't chain him and keep him locked. Your hurting because you think he betrayed your love. Your hurting because this is not what you pictured. You never knew that the bliss of the fall would end in a crash. You didn't expect forever but you never expected this soon. You weren't ready for it.

He was my forever.

But you forget one thing. You forget that love is like the wind, it will blow where it pleases and it can change directions. You wanted to take this wind make it follow your ways and plans. But it didn't and it changed course before you let down the sail and you drowned. You can't control love. And the more you limit yourself the more pain you cause yourself.

With love there is pain, but it's the pain of growth. Because with love there's growth. And you might be too young but I know you know how exciting love can be. How beautiful it can be. It is still beautiful you just have to look closely enough. You have to clear your mind to see genuinely the joy of loving and giving. You have to forget all you know about love and let yourself learn anew. And fall in love over and over again like it's the first time each time.