We Shall Heal

Tuesday June 20th.

Since Zoe's death I haven't been the same. I don't eat as well as I used to and whenever someone comes to visit I pretend I'm asleep so they could leave me alone. Today I wasn't so lucky. My nurse demanded that I go outside for some fresh air. He wouldn't listen to any excuse I gave him and in the end I found myself outside. The sun was too bright and the sky was so cloudy. I didn't like the weather that much today.

I didn't feel like inhaling the weather today. I just needed peace and quiet. So I walked over to the homeless lady and I sat down next to her. And guess what? Out of all the days to decide to talk she chose today. Today for Chrissake!

Why do we feel like the universe is entitled to be according to our likings?

Uh?

When we plan a picnic, we want it to be sunny only. But we don't embrace the rain with the sun.

Your not making much sense.

Humans feel a need to always be in control. We want to control time and space and matter and even things we can't control like weather, life and death. We feel we will be happy when things go our way. When we get pregnant when we are ready and have healthy little geniuses. When our husbands love us unconditionally and are faithful. We believe we'll only be happy when certain things happen. When I get a promotion. When I marry Sam. When I ace my exam. When I win this race. We limit ours joy to only what we can control, what we want. But when things don't go as planned, life becomes miserable and unbearable. Then we divorce Sam. We wish we never had kids. We start drinking. We start cheating. We commit suicide....

How is the weather dear?

Well, um, it's rather hot and unpleasant.

Exactly my point. And we let this little thing we cannot control ruin our happiness. So you are at work or in school and it's so hot and your sweating and your mood sours and your no longer happy and you think how pleasant it would be to be somewhere ventilated. Do you understand me?

I think so.

What I mean is that, enjoy the life you have and don't let your joy be determined by things which are out of your control. Whether you love or lose, whether you live or die, whether it's sunny or rainy. You can't change it. Don't let it ruin you.