We Shall Heal

Wednesday February 14th.

After months of pestering ma, she finally sat with me at the table for dinner. We haven't talked yet, but it's a start. She ate today, in front of me, something which isn't alcohol. The fridge is still relatively empty but the money I saved I'll put in good use soon.

I received a letter from Mr and Mrs Ronson, Zoe's parents. And they tell me they are doing great. After I visited Zoe's grave in December their relationship with me has become stronger. They tell me Mrs Ronson's pregnancy is progressing well and they couldn't be happier to be receiving a second chance in life. And they wished me happy birthday. It's been too long since Someone bought me a birthday gift or even a card and I appreciated their gesture so much. My friends from school wanted to check a movie with me in the evening but I managed to convince them, I had something planned with my mother.

I saw Darren and Harry again today since the last time I saw them...when was that...when I was in the hospital. It was a little awkward and unfortunately I still felt a faint pang in my heart when I saw how happy they are together but my smile was less forced than last time we met. I was happier and I was moving on. They invited me to a party on Friday but I turned them down. As much as they would like to be friends with me, probably out of guilt, I'm not going to surround myself with negative energy.

I haven't seen the homeless lady in a long while. When I go to the subway, I don't find her anymore and stupid me didn't catch her name. The only thing I know about her is that she had a daughter called Katherine and that she was sad. If I could see her once more I could tell just how happy I am. How life has become easier for me since I accepted that everything has changed and yet nothing has changed. I am still me, albeit more scarred and stronger. I pray she's doing well. I wish to tell her to listen to her own words and forgive herself.

I went to visit dad's grave today and was shocked to find flowers there. I thought no one other than me visited there. I still wonder who it was who put ma's favorite flowers on dad's grave. I want to thank them. I sat and talked to dad and wished him a happy two years anniversary since he died. And he wished me a happy birthday in form of a really chilly wind. I'm 18 today. Gosh, I feel old.

Hear that dad, your little girl is aging....