| Don't Let Me Be Gone |- Joshler

S E V E N

Ding.
My eyes snapped open at the loud noise.
Ding.
I shook my head and looked around, searching for the source of the noise.
Ding. Ding. Ding.
I cursed under my breath and reached for my phone, clicking it on and checking my messages.
Tyler oh my god are you okay?
Tyler, it's been an hour respond to me!
Tyler I'm starting to get worried.
Tyler please answer me!
Okay Tyler I'm really worried now. Meet me at my house in ten minutes okay?
I rose reluctantly to my feet and walked out the door, texting my mom to let her know I had left.
It was bright outside, meaning it was probably around noon. I walked down the street in the direction I remembered running from the night before. I walked fairly fast, as I didn't want to keep Josh waiting and worry him more than I already had.
My head was pounding and racing with thoughts, too many thoughts, too many dark and painful thoughts.
I glanced up and recognized the house only a few feet in front of me. I sighed, feeling still awful and just...I dunno hurt like always. I walked slowly up to the  door of he house and knocked, waiting for the door to open.
In all honesty, I wished he wouldn't respond. I didn't want to face him, I knew what I was doing to him. I was hurting him and it was only a matter of time before I shattered him entirely. I couldn't do that him. I wouldn't do that to him.
The door opened and Josh popped his head out. "Oh, Tyler thank god. I thought you were dead." A look of relief spread across his face.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just fell asleep." I said simply, scratching the back of my neck. "Where do you want to go to hang out?"
Josh looked down. "Honestly, I was just thinking we could hang out in my room." He chuckled lightly.
I nodded my head, putting my hands in my pockets. "Sounds good to me."
He smiles and let's me into his house, closing the door securely behind us. We walked to his room and I sat down in his bed once we got inside.
"So..." Josh sat beside me. "What do you have to tell me about yourself?"
I pondered this for a moment. What could I say without making him hate me? Nothing much, that's for sure.
"Well uhm..." I stuttered. "When I was really young I uhm...got diagnosed with anxiety."
Josh nodded and looked down. "That must have been hard right? Dealing with it for this long?"
"Yeah, it makes simple things like talking to anyone hard." I said, looking down also.
I'm just pushing him away. I thought bleakly. I know I am by now.
"Anything else you want to share?" Josh said, doing his best to make me feel comfortable talking. Truth be told, I was comfortable around this boy but it still felt way too awkward.
"Uhm..." I'm depressed and I cut myself..."no I think that's all. You'll figure out the rest on the way." I felt Josh get closer and closer to me as a said each word. My heart was pounding faster and faster, I could feel them whispering again. It was hurting again.
Then I turned to look at Josh and it happened.
The second I turned to face him Josh leaned forward swiftly and kissed me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't dare move or breath. I was too scared to do anything.
Josh pulled back and blushed harshly. "I uhm..." He choked on his words. "I'm..s-sorry..."
I didn't respond, just shakily nodded my head. I got up off the bed and choked out a few words. "I'm g-g-gonna go h-home n-now.."
Josh nodded. "Okay. I'll uhm...text you later."
I nodded, still shaking uncontrollably. I pretty much ran out of his house, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.
It was pity, that was real. I screamed in my head. He didn't mean that, he doesn't like me, it was fake. It was fake!
I kept running and running, not stopping to even catch my breath. The tears were flying out now, leaving me trying to choke back my sobs. I was letting him get close. I was letting him get hurt. No, I wouldn't let that happen.
I ran into the forest again, not stopping until I reached a small pond. This place, it was the only place I would go if I something happened. I fell to my knees by the pond and held my head in my hands, tears leaking through my fingers. The pain was building up, it was stabbing through my heart like a sword. I didn't know how long I could handle it, it hurt way too much.
Everything was hurting, nothing was painless anymore.
"It was all just fucking pity!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, slamming my hands down on the forest floor. I started scratching my arms, scratching all the scabs off my cuts. It burned, everything was crawling under my skin. Everything I had done was burning through me and crawling over my back like ants. I kept scratching at my arms, the burning feeling only getting worse with every passing second.
My screams echoed over all the trees, bouncing back to crash into my ears. My screams increased in volume, only making my head start to pound again.
Then
Everything
Went
Black.

---
I want to cry so much right now, the comments I've been getting on the A/N I did are amazing, I didn't know anyone would be so supportive of me. I also got a few comments saying the story has helped them and it's just amazing. I had no idea my writing could do that. As I've said about a million times, thank you all so much.