| Don't Let Me Be Gone |- Joshler

T W E N T Y

I sighed happily as me and Josh walked down the street, a cool breeze blowing.
Josh had his arm wrapped securely around my shoulders. I laid my head on Josh's shoulder as we walked, sighing happily.
Everything was so perfect.
"Where are we going?" I asked, lifting my head and looking over at Josh.
He shrugged. "Just on a walk I guess."
I nodded, not questioning him any further. My mind began to wander as we walked, it wandering to places I didn't want it to go.
I could feel myself slipping into the dark place, that horrible, horrible place. I clenched my eyes shut, my legs buckling beneath me. Why was this happening? Why was it taking over again? I didn't have a reason to be hurting again. I shouldn't be hurting when everything was so perfect.
You're not worth being happy, you're not worth anything.
Small tears started leaking out of my eyes. My thoughts were back, back to destroy me again.
Josh doesn't love you. He pretends, he hates you. He is with you out of pity. You're worthless.
My breathing began to get heavy. My legs started shaking and my heart started pounding faster. Yet Josh didn't notice a thing, just kept walking and holding my hand.
He doesn't care. He doesn't care about you.
I hated the voices. I hated them so fucking much but as much as I hated them, they started to make me believe everything they said was true.
You're worthless.
You're ugly.
You're fat.
No one loves you.
Josh hates you.
Josh doesn't care about you.
Josh is a liar.
My head started to spin and the world suddenly become colorless, just as it was before.
What is happening? I thought, trying my best to steady my breathing and calm myself down.
You're so fucking worthless. You don't deserve to live, go kill yourself.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't fucking handle it, killing me from the inside and making everything worse.
I shook my head out forcefully.
Get away from Josh. He doesn't love you.
I pulled away from Josh. I started to run, Josh ran after me managing to grab my wrist and pull me closer to him. "Tyler!"
(Panic! Fans should get this)
"If you love me, let me go!" I screamed, trying to yank my wrist from his grasp.
"I'm not letting you leave!" Josh yelled, his grip tightening.
"You don't love me!" I yelled, tears flying down my face. "You fake it! Everyday! You've never loved me!"
Josh's eyes twinkled with tears. "I do fucking love you!"
"No you don't." I said harshly, yanking my wrist from his grip. "Don't fucking come after me you-"
Before I could get another word out, I felt a fist meet my chin.
I stumbled backwards, one of my hands flying to my chin. "W-what-"
Josh's eyes glazed over with regret. "O-oh my G-God T-Tyler I'm s-sorry-"
"Don't fucking apologize." I hissed at him, shaking my head and backing away. "I hate you!"
Josh stood there, motionless as I backed away slowly from him. "T-Tyler-"
I shook my head. "No. Don't talk to me!" I yelled and ran the opposite direction. I was done. I couldn't do it. He hit me and it was my fault. I ran, tears flying down my cheeks and falling onto the concrete as I ran.
I ran in the direction I knew my house was, not daring to turn around or even think about going back to Josh.
I reached the porch quickly, flinging the door open.
Steady sobs rung around the house.
"Mom?" I whispered shakily, closing the door and looking around.
"I-In M-Maddi's r-room." Her voice responded, sounding broken.
I ran quickly to Maddi's room, stopping quickly at the door frame and clasping a hand over my mouth.
No.
I fell to my knees, crawling forward weakly.
Maddi lay on the floor, her wrists cut up and a pool of blood around her. Next to her laid a razor blade in the pool of blood.
I couldn't speak. It hurt to much to try to even get words out. I couldn't understand why she would do this.
"She...she..." My mom choked out, holding one of Maddi's now lifeless hands.
"I k-know." I choked out, tears flooding my already puffy eyes.
My mom fell apart, tears flying down her cheeks.
I just watched. Didn't do anything because I didn't know what to do. After a few minutes, I got up and left my mom there. I walked into my room, quickly grabbing a bag and packing it full of clothes and whatever food I could fit.
I slung the bag over my shoulder and glanced around.
My blade.
I thought quickly, walking quickly over to my desk and grabbing it from where it was hidden. I walked out of my room and ran past Maddi's room.
"Where are you going?" My mom asked, grabbing my shoulder and stopping me.
"Anywhere but here." I said blankly, shrugging her hand off my shoulder.
"You're not leaving!" She said loudly, reaching for me.
"Oh yeah?" I said turning to her. "And who's gonna stop me?" She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
"Exactly." I growled and ran out the door.
Finally done huh?
I nodded my head even though I knew the voice couldn't see me.
You better be done or I'll finish you.
"I'm done!" I yelled, running faster away from the neighborhood I grew up in.
Good. Say goodbye, Tyler.

---

pHeW
My own writing sh👀k me.
Warning, it just goes downhill from here xD
Be prepared for tears!
Also wanted to thank Band_Tater_Tot for giving me ideas so I could continue with the story :) this isn't their exact idea but it has something to do with it.
How you guys liking the fic? Let me know :)