| Don't Let Me Be Gone |- Joshler

T W E N T Y T H R E E

                   Josh's POV

I ran from Tyler, my heart pounding and my legs shaking.
It's my fault. It's my fucking fault. I thought dismally, clenching my eyes shut as I ran.
Tears slipped out of my eyes slowly and I fell to my knees once I reached the road.
If I wouldn't have chased Tyler, if I wouldn't have been so fucking determined to get him back, he wouldn't have hurt himself.
I was so selfish.
I was crying hard now, my head beginning to hurt even more and everything started to grow weak. It hurt, everything fucking hurt.
I began to finally understand what Tyler felt every single day.
I couldn't take it. Nothing felt right anymore. I didn't want to live like this anymore.
One last try. I thought and opened my eyes. I'm giving life one last try.
I looked up at the sky. It was still early, maybe 10:00 at the latest. I forced myself to get weakly to my feet and walked back into the forest, deciding to try to talk to Tyler again. I walked for longer than I expected, calling Tyler's name every once in a while hoping to hear his beautiful voice.
"P-please leave m-m-me alone J-Josh."
I turned around quickly as I heard his voice, seeing him sitting in front of a tree knees hugged to his chest. "Tyler." I whispered as I walked towards him and crouched down, grabbing one of his hands.
Tyler didn't take his hand away surprisingly. "P-please leave me alone."
"No." I said firmly. "I'm not leaving you here to die. I'm not letting you go. Please Tyler, let's go home."
"I don't have a home." He choked out, tears forming in his perfect carmel brown eyes.
"You have a home babe." I whispered my voice cracking on babe. "You're home is with me."
I broke down in tears and held Tyler's hand tighter.
"I don't want to be with you Josh." Tyler said and jerked his hand away.
Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks again. "P-please..." I cried at him, reaching again for his hand only for him to push himself closer to the trunk of the tree.
"I'm not going back with you!" He yelled at me, eyes shining with tears. "I hate you! How many time do I have to say it?"
"Tyler-"
"No!" Tyler yelled at me, standing up and looking down at me. "You don't love me and you never have. You fake it. You pretend to love me, but for what Josh? Why do you pretend to love me?"
"I don't pretend." I snapped at him, glaring at the ground.
"You always fucking pretend! All those fucking kisses? Fake! Everything was fucking fake!" Tyler yelled, tears flying down his cheeks.
"It wasn't fake." I whispered.
Tyler ignored everything I was saying. "You're a fucking dick! You always pretended! You fucking never cared! You want me to kill myself!"
I wanted to stand up and hit Tyler again. Was I going to? No.
"Tyler stop-"
"Why should I stop telling the truth?" Tyler yelled. "It's all the truth-"
"Stop!" I screamed, shaking the tears away. I couldn't take it. I stood up and before I could even think, my fist struck Tyler's chin.
Hatred spread across his face as he stumbled backwards into a tree. The spot where I hit him began to turn red and Tyler sobbed silently.
"Tyler-" I said softly, but stopped. I hit him twice. There was no way I could make him love me again.
"Leave. Me. Alone!" Tyler yelled, a hand holding his chin. "Don't you dare fucking come back."
I blinked at him. I couldn't get myself to move.
"Leave!" Tyler screamed.
"Tyler please, I'm so-"
"Oh you're sorry aren't you?" He snapped, glaring at me. "You think sorry is going to fix what you did Josh? You fucking hit me! Twice!"
"I know babe-"
"Don't 'babe' me." Tyler snapped. "I hate you. I hate you so fucking much."
I stayed silent and looked down. I was so dumb for hitting him the first time, hitting him a second time was the worst mistake I could have made.
Everything is my fault. I thought bleakly, glaring down at the ground. I'm the reason he is hurting.
"Go the fuck away already Josh!" Tyler yelled.
I nodded and looked up at him. "I'm sorry Tyler. I'm sorry for what's going to happen." I whispered and walked away slowly. If he said something, I didn't hear it. At this point, I didn't care anymore. I didn't care about anyone or anything. It was all fucking pointless now. Without the one person I loved so much, it was worthless trying.
I walked past his stuff quickly, but something caught my eye.
A rope.
It looked somewhat old, but it still seemed strong. I looked around quickly before snatching it and running off deeper into the forest. This was it. Nothing could stop me from making this decision, nothing could fix me after all this fucking shit.
Not even Tyler.
Is this really what I want? I thought quickly as I stared down at the rope as I walked. Yes. It is. I'm done.
"I'm done living like this." I whispered to myself. "I'm done trying. I'm done fighting. I'm done letting everyone I love slip through my fingers."
I was crying again. I was crying hard. My sobs echoed through the dense forest and I fell to my knees, staring at the leaves above me.
"I'm ready. I'm ready to go now."

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All aboard the heartbreak train, toot-toot!