| Don't Let Me Be Gone |- Joshler

S I X T E E N

I just wanted it all to end.
I woke up in Josh's arms, he was still holding me in a tight hug. His eyes were closed tightly.
"J-Josh..." I whispered, my head spinning harshly.
Josh flicked open his closed eyes. "Hey." He whispered softly.
"H-hi." I stuttered, looking up at him weakly.
"You okay?" He asked, running a hand through my hair gently.
"N-no.." I choked out, tears starting to gently run down my cheeks.
"Whats wrong?" Josh asked, tilting my chin upwards.
"Look." I said reaching for my phone and handing it to him.
He grabbed my phone and started scrolling through the texts. His eyes widened as he read. "Oh." Josh clasped a hand over his mouth. "Tyler I'm so sorry."
I shook my head, everything falling apart. "I can't d-do it an-anymore J-Josh..." I cried,my body shaking from my continuous sobs.
"Baby, shh, calm down." Josh said soothingly, pressing a kiss to my tear stained cheeks.
I couldn't talk at that point. I sobbed into his shoulder, feeling so dumb and so selfish for always falling apart like this. Josh pulled me closer to his chest, whispering into my ear attempting to get me to stop crying.
My head ached and my eyes grew puffy as I cried continuously, unable to stop crying.
"Baby..." Josh whispered, wiping my tears away.
My breath hitched and my throat burned. I was sobbing so hard.
He fell for me.
Josh fell hard.
"J-Josh..." I cried out, my heart hurting with every bit of pain imaginable. "I-I'm s-sorry f-for everything I-I've p-p-put you t-through..."
"Don't apologize." Josh said, kissing my forehead. "I'd go through hell and back a million times for you, Ty."
"B-but I've a-already p-put you through h-hell enough.." I whispered, closing my eyes. My breathing was extremely unsteady and I couldn't think.
"I don't care how much you've put me through hell, Ty." Josh whispered. "I just want to be with you, keep you happy and keep you alive."
"I j-J-just want to l-leave..." I cried out quietly.
"I know." Josh whispered, running his fingers through my hair gently. "I know, Ty. But it's not your time to leave. Stay alive, baby. It's worth it." He whispered into my ear. "I promise."
I collapsed into a fit of tears onto Josh's chest, gripping his shirt so tightly my knuckles turned white. Josh shushed me soothingly, rocking me back and forth as if I was a small child he was trying to comfort.
My eyes burned from the constant flow of hot tears but I couldn't stop crying.
My chest heaved with shaking sobs and my head spun from all the pain I was in, both mentally and physically.
I could hear all the fucked up whispering in head and the pleas from them to hurt myself.
Kill myself if I could.
I didn't listen, just clung to Josh as if he was the last thing left on earth.
"I love you." I heard him whisper into my ear, running his thumb along my cheek.
"I l-love y-you too..." I whispered back so low, I could barely hear myself.
Josh pulled me even closer to him. "Why don't we go out on a walk? Clear your mind maybe."
I nodded gently, letting go of Josh and pushing myself weakly to my feet.

---

It was somewhat late outside, but the city was still lively and awake.
I honestly liked that about Ohio.
"Josh." I said gently, pulling him towards a tattoo parlor of some sort.
"Yeah?" He asked, following me. "You want a tattoo?"
I nodded, wanting to get my mind off of everything that had happened recently.
"Okay." Josh said softly and we entered the parlor.
"Hey boys how can we help you tonight?" A blonde haired girl asked, smiling at the both of us.
"My boyfriend wants a tattoo." Josh said hugging me tightly.
"Of course. Any idea what you want, hon?" She asked, tilting her head.
I nodded and broke free from the hug to whisper into her ear, low enough so Josh couldn't hear me. "I want to get his name on my wrist, but I want it to be a suprise."
She smiled. "Of course, hon." She looked up and smiled at Josh, handing him a paper. "We are going to need you to sign with your name here." She said tapping what looked like wax paper with a pen.
"Oh, uhm, okay." Josh looked genuinely confused, but wrote his name down anyways.
She smiled. "Great. You can call me Debby, by the way."
"Thanks, Debby." Josh said with a smile.
She nodded and lead them back to an open room. "Wait here, I'll be back with my equipment."
I nodded and looked over at Josh with a face of nervousness. "I'm scared."
"It'll be okay." Josh said leaning over and grabbing my hand. "It won't hurt too much."
Moments later, Debby walked back in and splayed her stuff out on a nearby table like thing. "Wrist please."
I stuck out one of my wrists and she pressed the wax paper like stuff with Josh's name on it to my wrist.
"Tyler- oh my god- are you getting my name tattooed on you?!?" Josh asked, a look of disbelief on his face as Debby began to tattoo me.
"Y-yeah." I winced at the slight pain from the tattoo machine. "All for you, Josh."
Debby finished up a few minutes later, wiping away any excess ink. "There."
"Thank you." Josh said, handing her some money from his wallet.
"No." She said pushing the money away. "It's on the house."
"T-thank you!" I said, smiling and standing up.
"Mhm." She hummed and smiled. "Have a great night."
"We will!" Josh shouted as we left the parlor.
"I love you Josh." I said, linking my hand with his and resting my head in his shoulder.
"I love you too, Tyler." Josh whispered.
I looked down at Josh's name on my wrist, smiling as I knew I would always have him with me on my skin no matter what.