| Don't Let Me Be Gone |- Joshler

T W E N T Y Ø N E

                      Josh's POV

I feel to my knees on the cold sidewalk, watching as Tyler ran away from me.
I hit him.
I buried my head in my hands. "What the fuck have I done?!"
I looked back up to see that Tyler was gone, probably gone forever because of my stupidity.
Who knows what would happen to him after all of that. I ruined his happiness, I couldn't save him.
And now because of that, he very well could kill himself. All because of me.
Tears started to fly down my cheeks again, sliding off my face and hitting the cold sidewalk leaving dark marks. I was shaking, shaking out of fear, pain, and anger. Anger towards myself, anger towards my inability to see that Tyler really wasn't okay.
I screamed and brought a fist down hard onto the concrete, the impact sending a shock of pain through me.
I didn't care.
I kept slamming my fists down until blood starting to trickle out of cuts that had formed.
I screamed again and slammed my head onto the concrete, pain filling me.
I couldn't take it, I couldn't take myself. I was done, so done with fighting a war I can't win.
I collapsed into the concrete, sobs shaking my body. "What have I done? I pushed him away, I pushed him away when he needed me the most."
I couldn't take it.
Maybe, I thought bleakly. Maybe if I just ended it, if I just let go, maybe everyone would be better off. All I do is hurt.
Tears flew down my face and I couldn't stop them. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't think straight, I couldn't handle the thoughts racing through my head.
I laid on the cold concrete for a few more minutes before pushing myself weakly to my feet and walking home, a dismal expression spread across my face. I walked home slowly, my thoughts overwhelming me and making me feel worse about everything I had done.
I was so weak.
I had never felt that way before, I had never felt suicidal. But now, now was different. I wanted to end it, I wanted to stop everything, I wanted to stop this horrible fucking pain I had inflicted on myself.
But I couldn't.
What about my family? My friends? What about Tyler?
I shook my head out and focused back on the walk home.
I felt weak and sick to my stomach. I was sick alright. Sick of myself. Sick of the way I was. Sick of everything. I practically ran home. My legs shook as I ran and my head spun horribly. I couldn't think straight at all, it all hurt way too much.
It didn't take long before I got home. I opened the door quickly, walking inside and glancing around.
It was quiet, which wasn't usual for our house.
"Mom? Dad?" I called out, looking for them.
I walked up the stairs and opened their door.
Big mistake.
My dad had my mom pinned against the wall, choking her.
"Dad!" I yelled running over to him and yanking him off her. "Stop!"
He turned on me and slammed me against the wall. "Get the fuck out. None of this is your business."
"You're fucking choking my mom! It sure as hell is my business!" I yelled, clenching my fists.
He stared at me for a moment before punching me hard in the stomach, causing me to fall to the ground.
I gasped and coughed, holding my stomach.
"Little weak bitch." He snarled and walked back over to my mom.
"Don't..." I heard her choke out, her eyes glowing with fear.
"Shut up bitch." He snarled and started rummaging through his bedside table. "Both of you get up." I quickly got to my feet, rushing over to my mom and hugging her. My dad snorted. "Let's go."
We followed him out of the room and into the living room. He motioned for my mom to get on her knees and motioned for me to stand against the wall.
"If you tell anyone about this," He snarled at me. "I'll kill you."
And with that, he pulled a gun out of the waistband of his pants.
Everything seemed to go in slow motion. I ran forward as he presses the gun to my mom's head.
Bang.
"Mom!" I screamed, falling to my knees.
Everything starting going blurry as I saw her body fall backwards.
He killed her.
I cried.
My dad stood there, staring at her body. "Pack your stuff." He whispered. "Don't ever fucking come back."
I ran to my room and tossed things into bags, not even caring what I grabbed.  I slung the bags over my shoulders and ran out, not even daring to look at my dad or the scene.
I didn't know where to go but I decided I'd find Tyler. I'd find him and save him.
Even if it meant losing myself, I'd save him.
I looked up at the sky and screamed. "You can't fucking do this too me! You've ruined everything! Everything is so fucked up!"
I was crying, again.
I didn't know what to do.
I needed Tyler. I needed him to fight and I didn't have him.
Maybe I can't fight anymore. I thought, still glaring up at the sky.
"Why did this have to happen..." I cried out, clenching my fists in anger.
I looked back down and focused back on walking. I wiped the tears away quickly, sniffing slightly.
I can't do this anymore.

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IM SO CRUEL OMG
Hope you enjoyed fam |-/