The TwiceBorn

This Feels Like Always

 God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains."--CS Lewis

A tiny trickle of uneasiness worked its way through Alora's mind.  Something was off.  But it didn't matter.  There were only the two choices.  Islinn could break and run.  At that point, the fear would quicksilver her emotions and Alora could take her time before dragging her to ground, testing and pushing to see how much fear she could cause.  Or...Islinn would fight, which is apparently what she'd chosen to do.

This fear would be different.  It would be laced with hot anger, then weakened with uncertainty when things started to go badly...but that final burst of fear...the one that would come when the girl realized she  had lost...that one would be nothing short of magnificent.

Alora reached out her hand, intending to lock her fingers on Islinn's neck but the girl suddenly dropped to her knees.  Bewilderment rippled across Alora's face but then she understood and with that understanding, her dark smile re-surfaced.  She had momentarily forgotten how fear could take your legs out from under you. 

She resisted the urge to laugh.

Suddenly she felt the girl take her hand within her own and the urge to laugh dwindled away.  Alora glanced down and was dumbfounded to see Islinn had pressed her captured hand to her cheek.

"I'll bear for you." Islinn whispered.  "When you're finished with me...I'll bear for you."

Color bled from Alora's face.  She snatched her hand away as though the touch of Islinn's skin against her flesh had burned her to the bone.  Raising her boot up, she caught Islinn's shoulder and pushed the girl backwards into the dirt.

"You will not deny me!"  Alora raged.  That cool and crisp essence of fear wasn't as clear as it had been only a few moments ago.  The clarity of it was muddled with something Alora was unsure of and the mere thought of the light that had tormented her for so long suddenly being taken away by forces unknown was enough to drive her into and beyond a darkness she'd never experienced before.

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Islinn caught herself with her elbows as she fell back.  An ill-placed rock dug a piece of skin loose before squirting out from underneath her left elbow and a quick grimace crossed her face.  Still, her eyes never left The Twiceborn's.

"No. I won't deny you."  She said softly.  Fear had trickled into every hollow of her body and her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth as she answered The Twiceborn but her words were calm.  She gazed up at the woman and took in the dark and angry bafflement on her face.  She had no doubt that she was looking at death, her own and so many others, written in the black of this woman's eyes and the smeared blood on her lips. So much smoke and fire at the ready.

And what had it truly all been for?  Granted, her and this woman hadn't shared much but Islinn had felt the little bit they had shared...should have carried them beyond whatever this was now.  What good had any of it been if it bought them around to this one horrible moment? 

Islinn didn't value her life that much.  Being too close to death so many times had taken away that sense of preciousness.  But to lose that tentative feeling of hope she'd begun to have...that was truly loss.  What was the point of remembering Alora's awkward smiles, the way she played with Loki or the rare laugh Islinn had occasionally heard...when all of it came round to this?

"It's all right."  Islinn whispered as she looked up at The Twiceborn.  "You never led me to believe you were any different.  I was wrong in wanting to believe you were.  And that's my sin.  Not yours."