The TwiceBorn

You Are The Words I Can Not Say

 "I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul."--Pablo Neruda

Islinn stiffened in her arms.

"What?  What do you mean?"

 Islinn's voice was a mixture of disbelief and bewilderment and Alora realized, with a certain sense of horror that she was going to have to explain it.  Apparently the girl wanted to know just what the difference was and Alora knew she should have expected that but she hadn't really been prepared to answer it.  A sense of being cornered started to creep over her and she suddenly felt like she couldn't get enough air into her chest.

"Well...the difference is...it comes down to if...if someone wants the person they're with...like that...to feel..."

Islinn reached up and, to Alora's great relief, pressed her fingers lightly against her mouth and halted the awkward flow of words.

"Alora...are you saying you love me?"

The sound of her name on Islinn's lips caused a shiver to run up Alora's spine.  She was quiet. 

What exactly was she saying?

She looked down at Islinn and took in the delicate features, the questioning brown eyes, and the white blond hair. She was suddenly overcome with emotion, a feeling that was only vaguely familiar because it had been absent from her life for so long.

Can I love?

The ghosts beneath her skin whispered once again and Alora still didn't know the answer.  But she thought that maybe...just maybe...it would be something she might want to try. 

"Yes.  And no."  Alora stammered and felt a rush of heat engulf her as she heard the confused but honest words leave her mouth.

 It hurt, to be so exposed, and she knew in her next breath she'd take both words back if she could but it was too late. 

Is that what love was?  Announcing your chosen place in the world, and allowing others to weigh what that simple word would or would not cost?

She glanced down and felt a wave of relief as Islinn's eyes looked into hers with just the faintest glimmer of...hope?  She wasn't sure and she wasn't about to ask.  She'd said more than enough.

"I just have one question."  Islinn stated, her voice hesitant and Alora felt actual terror at the thought of what Islinn could ask and what she'd feel compelled to explain.

"Why don't you let me clean your face up a little bit first?"  Alora winced at the bruising that had already begun around the girl's bottom lip. 

This is how I love.

Alora pushed the unwelcome thought away and started to move the girl off of her and get to her feet but Islinn shook her head and pulled her back down.  Resigned, Alora settled back onto the ground and wrapped her arms back around Islinn.  She knew without a doubt that nervous laughter was going to kick in before she got done with whatever clumsy explanation was going to be needed.

"Islinn, look, I...don't really know...how...to explain what I did to you, all right? I mean, I know...but...well...look."  Alora gazed off desperately into the brush.  "I didn't use any magic or whatever you want to call it, all right?"

'"Okay."  Islinn nodded.

 Alora took a deep breath, relieved that her awkward words were enough. 

She eyed Islinn. 

Her lack of knowledge was staggering and Alora visualized many conversations in the future detailing the whys, whens, and hows of it all.  And the kicker of that was there was quite a bit more to explore which she was looking eagerly forward to but...the conversations afterwards were enough to make her stomach feel a bit fluttery.