The TwiceBorn

Savor The Sorrow

'Just about the time the shadows call,I undress my mind and dare you to follow..."--Sara Bareilles

The bewildering immensity of the moment shook Alora to her core but she never hesitated. Because even though she was aware of how often one life does not compliment another in any way whatsoever, she refused to accept that probability when it came to her and this girl in her arms.

“Alright.”  She whispered soothingly as she ran her fingers through Islinn’s hair.  She hesitated, unsure of where to begin.  What she had learned wasn’t something that could be reassured.   It required trust, something neither her nor Islinn had an abundance of.

“Okay, look at me.” 

Alora gently pushed the girl from her and knew she had absolutely no chance of Islinn meeting her eyes.  The quick glance downward had now become one long, shameful stare.  Alora reached out and closed the girl’s tunic.  Trying to find the words she needed was distracting enough.  She reached out and tried to lift Islinn’s chin up with the tips of her fingers but the girl twisted stubbornly away.

“I won’t do that, Islinn.  Just so you know.”

Alora knew as soon as the words left her mouth that they were only going to make matters worse.  She scowled.  She didn’t want Islinn to know how she found out but she simply couldn’t think of any way to get her point across other then simply putting it out there.  The way things were shaping up, it looked far more likely she was going to be screwed by her lack of people skills than by any future encounter with this girl.  It was a mean thought and she was enveloped by a rush of shame.  But she’d gone too far to back out now.

“What I mean is…would you just…please, just look at me…”  Alora struggled not to sound exasperated.  The words came out, stumbled over her tongue and oozed pure exasperation. Islinn looked up and fixed her with a solemn stare.

Alora paused, a little unnerved by Islinn’s flat, angry eyes.  It was the expectation though in them that simply broke her heart.  That angry expectation of punishment.

“I won’t do that Islinn.  Not now. Not ever.  If you tell me you like something…I won’t take it away from you.  Do you understand me?  And that goes for…everything.  Whether it’s something I’ve given you, like the stag.  Or it’s something I’m doing to you…that you like.  Do you understand me on this?

Islinn took in a deep, shuddering breath and tried to turn away but Alora reached out and caught her face with both hands.  A deep sadness moved through her like a cold winter wind, there than gone.

“No.”

This time her voice was gentle.

“Don’t turn away this time.  Look me in the eye and tell me what it is you want to say.  Or…tell me you have nothing to say.  You can even tell me to get the fuck away from you and that’s fine too.  Just…look me in the eye…and tell me how you feel.”

A tear slowly formed in the corner of Islinn’s left eye and Alora saw the faint gleam of some desperate hope.  That desperate need to believe that the words were more than just another sad trick.

“No tricks.”  Alora whispered.  “Just talk to me.”

“You promise?  You promise you won’t…it won’t be like that?”  Islinn's eyes were troubled but that hope…it appeared to kindle and spread across her face.

Alora leaned forward and gently kissed her, and whispered against the softness of the girl’s lips.

“It will never be like that with me.”  She said softly, as she lightly ran her tongue across Islinn’s lower lip, hesitant, waiting for permission.