The TwiceBorn

Ashes And Roses And Time That Burns

 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."--Marianne Williamson

Strength.  Islinn had thought all her life that she knew what it was.  Strength was her father mounted on his stag and riding off to the Crusade without a backward glance.

And strength was JoHan, secure and stolid in his belief as he faced down the demons of the UnderRealm.  But she had never known that strength could exist in weakness…in vulnerability.  Not until she’d felt the warm breath and the touch of Alora’s tongue against her scarred back.

She glanced over at the woman lying beside her in the grass.  She had always felt that the definition of herself was made evident by what she loved. Which had always been her faith, first and foremost.  But she had slowly come to realize that she was also defined by who loved her in return.

And Alora The Twiceborn loved her. 

She knew this as surely as she knew her faith was still strong in spite of her renunciation of it.

Islinn rose up on one elbow and reached over and rested her hand on Alora’s shoulder.  She wasn’t quite prepared for the look of underlying panic on the woman’s face as Alora turned and looked at her.

“I’ve…I’ve never loved anyone before.  Not like this anyway.” 

Islinn smiled. 

There was so much wildness in this woman.  And many had seen this wildness in all its forms.  But she innately knew she was the only one to ever glimpse what lay beneath.

“Maybe you’ve never allowed yourself to love someone because you didn’t want to put them in a position of being loved by you.”  Islinn replied as she ran her fingertips over Alora’s skin. 

“How do you feel about that?  Me loving you?”  Alora sat up, her muscles tensed. There was a look of unhappiness etched across her features.

Islinn frowned.  She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest, encircling them with her arms as she stared out over the running water.

“I used to watch my mother a lot you know," She said quietly.  “How she would always stand back and look at my father.  And it didn’t matter what he was doing, he could be cleaning out the chicken pen.  Or propping himself back against the wall and belching after dinner. “ 

Islinn laughed but there was an edge to the tone.

“But it never mattered; she always looked at him with such a fierce love.  I was in awe of that.  It was like she was connected on a level to him that no one else could ever understand or be a part of.  The only word I can think of to describe that is "transcend."  Her love for him transcended everything.  And in a lot of ways, it frightened me a little.  Because I’ve always wondered if I could ever love someone like that…or have someone love me.”

Islinn turned and gave Alora an uncertain smile.

“And now I have both.  Yet I’m still frightened of you.  And maybe I always will be, I don’t know.  There’s so much…savagery in you, Alora.  A cruelty, a wildness.  And I think I should love you less because of that. Because of how I believe.  But I don’t.  I can’t.”

Alora looked at Islinn with somber eyes that said I can’t change.  And I wouldn’t if I could.

Islinn lifted her face to catch a passing breeze as Alora struggled to speak.  She knew her words had hurt the other woman but honesty was like that.  It was what it was. In spite of what you wanted it to be.