summer boy ~ tal fishman ✓

~18 1/2~

I wake up because of the light. I feel Julia laying on my chest and automatically smile. She looks so cute and peaceful laying there. Somehow, she also looks very vulnerable and I feel like I need to protect her. Especially after last night. It felt pretty good to be her hero who saves her from a very scary enemy; the spider.

After a few minutes of me just staring at her and smiling, I realize that she is very cute and I caught feelings for her. Wait, what? 

Past tense, Tal? No. No. I am not catching feelings. No. Think of all the hate she'll get. I am aware that most of my fans are girls. And I can guess they won't be too happy with me and a girl. I just need to distance myself. I don't want to. Then why would I? Inside my head there is a debate between two voices. It's best for her if she doesn't meet the YouTube world, I guess. It can get pretty dark. And stressful and hard. Talking about YouTube, I have to film some new videos today.

But still, when I look at her I don't understand why Michael cheated and why he hurt her so much. I would never do that. I could never do that, hurting a girl. Well, especially not if that girl is Julia.

I am still staring at her when she wakes up. She yawns, sits up straight and opens her eyes half, because of the bright sun. She looks very cute like that. There's no use in denying it at this point. I want to scoop her up in my arms and I want to hug her and- my thoughts are thankfully interrupted by an adorable looking Julia. I need to stop using the words adorable and cute. In these few minuted I've said that about fifty times or so.

'Have you been awake for long?' she asks, half yawning. 'Nah, I think it was about 10 minutes ago when I woke up', I answer, trying to sound cool and not let my voice crack. Ha. Me and being cool. That's new.

To be honest, I have no idea when I woke up. I don't mind, I could think for a bit. 'You want breakfast?' she asks and stands up to walk to the kitchen. She wobbles a bit when she stands up. It makes her even cuter. I didn't know it was possible. 'Sounds good', I say and I stand up as well to follow her to the kitchen. My balance is even worse than hers, I fall back into the couch when I try to stand up and walk. She doesn't even look at me, she just knows what happened and I hear her chuckle. 

After we ate our breakfast, she takes her hair out of her bun and she lets it hang loose over her shoulders and back for a while. Then she decides to put it in a new bun. I ask her why she would switch it up the entire time and our talking subject turns to hair. I tell her I can braid, and she lets me braid her hair. First, she brushes her hair and then she sits in front of me on the couch. I very carefully start braiding her hair. It takes a bit longer than if she would braid it herself. Scratch that, it probably took at least ten times longer. I'm pretty happy with the end result, though. It looks decent, I guess. It looks like she could have done it. If she was drunk. And high. And upside-down hanging by her feet. 

But other than that, just like she did it herself. She stands up and judges the braid in the mirror. 'It looks very good', she says. 'Especially on you', I whisper and in that moment I realize I really have to film because otherwise I won't have a video for tomorrow. It could help that I kind of embarrassed myself completely there. That I admit my feelings to myself, ok. Can happen. But admitting to her I have feelings for her less than an hour later? Maybe not the smartest thing to do.

 'I have to get something from my house, I'll be right back', I say and I put on my shoes. I decline her offer to come with me and nearly run out of the door. While walking I realize I should definitely tell her I make videos on YouTube, but just not right now. She probably already knows. And doesn't care. Or she- I don't know. I want to make myself seem less bad of a person. Let's make a plan now. First make her mine. Then I'll tell her. I guess.