summer boy ~ tal fishman ✓

~35 1/2~

 Tal's p.o.v.

I crouch down on the ground. I messed up my chance with her. Great. I am sitting in front of her door now. I must look like a creep. I am for her. She is asleep. I could see her lying on the couch. I know I have to film new videos. I just can't get myself to leave. I'll just wait fifteen minutes, I guess. 

While sitting on the ground, I think back to the fans in the park. I love my fans, I really do, it was just such horrible timing. I hope they didn't follow me here. That would be awful to explain. I saw the filthy look the first girl sent to Julia. And I know the others probably sent some her way as well. Hopefully they won't find Julia's Instagram or Twitter or any other social media she might be on. 

I sigh and I think back to when we went to the park. She didn't want to go. We shouldn't have gone. Now she's probably mad at me. Again. I messed up yesterday and again today. There's no way that she'll listen to me. I wouldn't listen to me if I were her. I put my head in my hands. It feels heavy. I didn't sleep that well, knowing she probably wasn't soundly asleep. 

I should leave. But I want to talk to her. I texted her. I'll just text her once more and then I'll leave, I guess. I am starting to feel my feet get numb. I stand up and I text her once more. I start walking away from her house. I look back through the window. Is she awake? I swear I saw her awake. I rub my eyes and look again. It must have gotten into my mind. I let my head hang and walk away. 

My mind isn't focusing. I am trying to find mistakes. It is really hard. I am trying to seem energetic. Trying, trying. It's hard. My brain is on Julia. After way too long, I am done filming. I am looking back at the clips. It's not looking too bad. I sigh. I'm going to head back to Julia. I want to see if she's okay. I know she isn't, but I'm going to go to her place anyway. 

I grab my phone and look at the time. It's 30 minutes later. I turn off the camera and lights. I see Julia has read my messages and I feel my heart doing some weird stuff. I can't explain. It just jumped. That's what they say in those girl books right? 'My heart jumped'. I'll use that.

A few minutes later I am back at Julia's door. I knock and I hear someone walking to the door. Julia opens the door. She looks at me. I look back into her beautiful green eyes. She can't hide her emotions from me. She looks mad, sad or hurt. Probably a combination of all of those. Which I understand. I'm selfish as hell. I sigh. She can't read my thoughts, I'll have to talk. 

She raises one eyebrow. I open my mouth, but I'm too late. She is closing the door. I put my foot in between it. 'What do you want? To explain? You've caused me enough pain. Especially in my head.' That hurt. 

'Yes, I want to explain. Please let me in.' I know how stubborn she can be, so it surprises me that she lets the door go and walks into the living room. She doesn't look back at me, so I close the front door behind me and follow her. She sits down on the couch and wraps herself in a blanket. Her face is looking mad, but she looks so adorable in that too big blanket. 

I can't find the words to explain. 'Well, I'm waiting for an explanation, Tal Fishman. Or should I say Reaction Time?' Her tone is cold. 'I... I just. I wanted to protect you.' 'Wow. Protect me. Well, you should definitely protect me, the oh so helpless girl from the very scary internet. I totally understand you needing to help', she answers sarcastically. 

I sigh. 'It's... I'm sorry. I was, no, I am selfish. I wanted to know if you'd like me for me. Not for my YouTube channel.' Well, that was bad. Why did I have to say it with that? I sound so stupid. I am, but sounding like it as well doesn't make it that much better.

'I agree with you. You are very selfish. How hard is it to say 'hey I have a YouTube channel'? You didn't even have to tell me your channel was this big, just the existence of it. I trusted you. You didn't trust me, thinking I'd only like you for if people knew you. I don't know if you'd noticed, but I don't care. I'm not some fake girl who does everything for popularity. I thought you were trustable. Guess I was wrong. Can you please leave?' She is mad now, although her voice is still calm. 

'Please let me stay. I don't want to lose you. Please.' I see her hesitation in her eyes. She shakes her head and looks down. 'No. I won't do this again', she mumbles to herself. She looks up at me. 'Please. I really like you and I don't want to lose you.' 

'Bet you were thinking that when hugging those fans.' I grin. 'So you're jealous.' Well, that was stupid. I messed up everything I was building up with that. She snaps her fingers. 'And there you messed up. Get out of my house.' The smirk is gone and her tone turned to cold.

She stands up and walks towards me. She is standing in front of me and is slightly looking up at me. 'You're at fault my headache is getting worse with the second. You are confusing as hell. Now please get the hell out of my house.' Her voice seems pretty calm. Didn't she feel anything for me? I know I messed up, but can't she forgive me? I know I should have told her, but this isn't that big of a deal that whatever we had is gone suddenly? 

'Are you going to pick a fight with me because I didn't tell you one thing?' That came out way harsher than I meant it. I regret that. I'll just walk away. I open my mouth to go against myself, but she reacts before I can.

'Are you going to make it sound like my fault that I am disappointed in you because you weren't honest with me? Seriously? And then go hugging girls right in front of my face. Why don't you kiss already? I don't mind, I mean you don't have to tell me anything. Why would you tell me you're practically famous on YouTube? Totally not worth mentioning or anything. And then you are claiming I did something wrong. Do I know you? Do you have two personalities or something? Or is this just all an act? Now get the hell away from me!' she shouts at me. Her patience and calmness are completely gone.

'I didn't mean it like that', I honestly tell her. 'Sure you didn't.' She walks away, breaking our eye contact. She walks to the hall and opens the door. I slowly walk there. 'Please-' I start. 'Please, please, please. Can't buy anything from that. Get. Away.' Her voice is turning harsher with the second. I hate fighting. Especially with Julia. I try to make eye contact with her, but she doesn't look at me. I walk out the door and she throws it closed behind me. 

I feel so bad right now. Even worse than this morning. Great.