summer boy ~ tal fishman ✓

~37~

What just happened? My mind can't wrap around it. I don't know why, but I'm sitting on the floor crying. I'm a mess. I'm on the kitchen floor in front of the freezer. I'm so tired. I wanted to get myself some ice-cream, but I couldn't. So now I'm sitting here, crying silently. I am awfully tired after everything that happened. And I'm confused. So confused. 

I'm so tired I decide to lay down. Right there on the kitchen floor. It wouldn't harm me if I just closed my eyes for five minutes, would it?

Well, yes it would. I wake up the next morning. Everything hurts. My neck, back, legs, but mostly my head. I sit up on the kitchen floor I was previously laying on. I need to get myself together. And quick. Meredith needs me. I need to be strong for her. I slowly stand up. I wobble a bit but manage to keep my balance and stay upright. I drink a glass of water. Nope, still a headache. I find the aspirin. This headache isn't as bad as it was... yesterday? Was it yesterday? I don't even know. So much drama I can't even remember the days. It's sad.

I take an aspirin and wait for it to kick in. I walk to the living room in the meanwhile. I see Meredith sleeping on the couch. She looks so vulnerable. She's a bit smaller than I am, blond hair, brown eyes, the definition of cute. And a good girl. If you just focus on the outside. On the inside, she's just as weird as the rest of the friend group. And really outgoing. 

Talking about our friend group, I haven't seen them in a while now. I mean, I've seen Tal and Adi and Mer, but I haven't talked to Anthony in a while. I could ask him more about Tal's YouTube channel. Talking about that, I want to watch more of Tal's videos, he looks so adorable- no. I guess you could say he's an ex right now. And we don't need to make things even more complicated. Which would be hard.

I sigh. Life is cruel. I am stupid. I decide to torture myself by watching Tal's videos. I find out he had a channel with Adi too, a few years ago. They look so young and cute there. When I've watched a few videos from their channel, I realize I am smiling. These are really funny. Meredith wakes up. 

'My head hurts.' 'Mine too'. I reply. I place my phone on the couch and walk to the kitchen to get Mer an aspirin and water. My headache is nearly gone, thanks to the medicine.

When I walk back, I see Meredith on my phone. I hand her the water and she mumbles a 'thanks'. I smile at her and then see she's on my phone. She's clicking through Tal's videos I was just watching. 'Did you know he had a channel on YouTube?' I ask her. 'Well, yeah, but I didn't know he was this big. Do you think he'd do a shoutout for me? I want more Instagram followers.' I laugh, knowing she's not completely joking. 

After watching a few videos of him while looking over Meredith's shoulder, she turns the phone to me and looks at my face. It's kind of weird but I don't care, I can see him better now, I am too caught up in Tal. He starts his intro and I see how he is smiling at the camera. Or at me, the viewer. I don't know.

Meredith gasps and then squeals. I pause Tal's video and look at her with a really confused expression. 'What?' I ask her. 'OMG! Look at him again!' I scrunch my eyebrows and do so. She squeals again. Louder and higher this time. I see Mouse running away from his previous spot on the living room chair. I'd probably do the same if I were a cat and I heard that kind of weird and high-pitched sound. 

'What is it?' 'WellyouknowhowIreadthat-' 'And now in a slower pace so I can actually understand what you're saying?' 'Well, your pupils dilated!' 'Soo?' 'You like him! And science is true, that's pretty cool.' 'What? You are so confusing!' 'I'm not.' I look at her, my face speaking a thousand words.

'Okay, maybe I am. But I read in some article that your pupils dilate when looking at something or someone you like. And yours just did that!' She squeals again. 'Nice to know that your headache disappeared, but mine will be coming back soon if you don't stop that high-pitched squealing and quick talking.' 

She smiles. 'Girl, go tell Tal how you feel about him.' 'No, the wounds are too fresh', I answer. That sounded fancy. I should definitely become a poet, I mean if I can use these fancy words out of nowhere... 'Do you want to talk to him? Then do.' I shake my head. It's not as easy as it sounds. 

'Then at least tell me more about this Mikaela girl.' I gasp for breath. That was unexpected. 'Oh, I'm sorry, I'll stop being so curious.' 'No, you have every right to. I'll tell you.' And that was easier said than done as well.

'Well, I've told the beginning, right? So we were BFFs and stuff. After I overheard that conversation at her party, she started doing mean to me. Gradually, though. That way I wouldn't catch on easily and she could torture me more, it seemed. First, she ditched our weekly movie night more and more often. Or at school, she would sit with the popular girls and leave me sitting alone. Or pull pranks on me. It's just... I don't understand why. And that's the scariest, I think. That someone you loved and trusted so much suddenly turns their back to you, without a good reason. That's why I don't trust people that often. I'll just get stabbed in the back.' 

I think about my story. Doing mean to me was a slight understatement. I don't tell her what she did the last year before I left, though. I don't want to make Mer worried, I guess. I sigh. I didn't notice the tear escaping until I feel it rolling over my cheek. I quickly wipe it away, hoping Mer didn't see. 

'I promise that I will not stab you in your back', she says softly. I send her a weak smile. 'Thanks.' We just sit there in silence for a few minutes. It's a comfortable silence. Until I start thinking about stuff. 

'You wanted to say something yesterday. About your breakup with Adi.' I stop when I see her face. 'I'm sorry, it just popped in my head. It's probably nothing', I continue. 'No it was something. Something rather big actually', she says with a small voice. 'What was it, Mer?'

'He told me that he actually he wanted to get closer to you, and now you were single he wanted to tell you he liked you.' I gasped. 'No he didn't! Did he say that? That douche!' I pretend to not know. I am not faking my shock; I didn't think he'd say it straight to her face.

'Well, he didn't really say it like that. He said something like; 'I'm sorry, I don't think we'll work out and it's all my fault' or something. I don't even know. But me, being curious, went on about the subject until he told me he actually found out he liked you more than me. But what happened after that? I knew he went to your house.' I feel my cheeks heat up slightly. 'What is it, Jul?'

'Well, he may or may not have kissed me in the park?' She gasps. 'That douchebag! We have to get him back somehow. Correction: both of them. How dare Tal break up with you?' 'Well, I sort of got mad at him and I started the fight with him. I'm at fault,'  I say, really realizing it now. 

The fight was not completely Tal's fault; it was more mine than his, I overreacted way too much. I'm too caught up in the past. 'But what did he do to deserve it?' 'He didn't tell me about his YouTube channel and then I got scared because I had this weird feeling it was Mikaela all over again. If I think about it now, it's a whole different situation and I don't know why I reacted like that. I hate myself', I conclude.

'Darling, you don't hate yourself. You made one little mistake, but so did Tal. Well, not little. Both of you messed up. So go up to him and say you're sorry, girl!' 'But I don't want to face Adi. At all.' 'Call Tal. Text him, DM him, I don't know. Do something. Use that phone of yours!' I smile. 'Thanks, Mer.' I give her a big hug.

I grab my phone from the counter and text Tal. 

'I need to talk to you. Our bench in 10 mins?'

I hope he'll show up. Please, read it and show up. My phone beeps and my heart rate quickens. 

'See you there.'