summer boy ~ tal fishman ✓

~33~

I feel tears prick behind my eyes, but I keep them closed. Why would I care so much? Can't they know I can hear them? They probably don't know. I decide I should go out to get some fresh air. I need some. Desperately.

But then they will know you're awake. But otherwise, you will cry in front of them. But you are so comfortable right now. Yes, but I still need some fresh air.

After the discussion in my head has come to an end, I move. Tal's muscles tense because of my movements. I don't care. He should have told me. I don't know what, but he should have. I get out of bed. I see Meredith sleeping soundly on Adi's chest. I was almost asleep on Tal's chest. Almost. But then they started talking. I feel the tears nearly coming out. Don't cry, Julia. You don't have a reason to cry. Tal probably does have one to not tell me whatever he isn't. Be strong. Don't be weak in front of others.

When I am at the door and open it, Tal asks me where I am going. I mumble something like downstairs. I don't even know where I am going. I walk to the front door and just step outside. Before I softly close it, I grab my key from the hook next to the door. I heard someone walking upstairs when I opened the door, but I don't care. I don't want them with me right now. 

I feel my tears escaping and I wipe them away with my sleeve. I am too much reminded of the past right now. I start walking faster and faster until I notice I am running. At the gates of the park, I stop running. What am I doing? I don't know. I walk to a park bench. More particularly, our bench, the one Tal and I always sit on. It's out of the sight of the path, so people can't really see you but you can see the people. And I don't need to be seen right now. Not that anyone would be outside at this time, but it's better not to take the risk.

What's the time? I don't know. How long have I been sitting here? No idea either. I just think about what I heard. Over and over again.

'Does she know yet?' Adi asks. I'm guessing it's Adi's voice. I have my eyes closed. 'No.' I feel Tal move a little bit, like he's uncomfortable. 'When are you going to tell her?' Tal is quiet. 'Don't you trust her then?' Adi asks. 'I do trust her! I just want to protect her!' Tal whisper-yells. 'Of what?' 'I don't know. I just feel like I need to protect her.' Then they started arguing. Softly, so they wouldn't wake me or Meredith. 

I snap back to the present again. Little did they know I was already awake. And apparently Tal is hiding something rather big for me. Always nice to know he thinks I need to be protected. He probably thinks I'm weak. That's just an extra reason to stay strong.

I feel another tear escape and roll over my cheek. I want to trust Tal, but I can't easily anymore. Not now I know he is hiding something from me. Apparently, something so important Adi feels the need to bring it up with him. And it didn't sound like the first time they were having this argument, they both knew what they were talking about. Two voices are battling in my head right now. 

You can't trust him. He'll do exactly the same Mikaela did. He isn't Mikaela. He is trying to protect you. Didn't you hear Adi? Are you deaf? No. Are you blind? No. Then why can't you see the signs? Because they aren't there. Who are you kidding? Are you dumb? 

I am getting a headache of the voices in my head trying to insult me. I am tired. Can't I just sleep here? I forget about why I'm here for a second and stare at the pretty, still water of the small lake. Or big puddle, whatever you want to call it. Then I realize why I'm here again. Suddenly, I don't feel that tired anymore. 

My head is working too much and overthinking everything there is to overthink. There is no time to be tired. I sigh and pull my knees up to my chest for more warmth. I need it. I went out in shorts and a thin sweater, I could use any extra warmth I can get. I am dressed in something that wouldn't be too warm so I could sleep under a blanket, I am not dressed for a late night stroll.

A while later, a figure appears in the park. The figure is petite and with long hair. I notice her for a while but look back at the water. The figure is headed towards me, but I don't notice. Until the person clears her throat and is standing really close to me. 'Jul?' I look to my side and see Meredith there. How could I not have recognized her? She's my best friend! I am such a bad friend. She pulls me into a hug without saying anything else. I hug her back.

'Tal said I would find you here.' I ignore her comment and look back at the water. 'As in he woke me up to see if you're alright. You have been away for about two hours, you know.' And there I found the reason why I'm cold. I don't say anything back. 

'Tal was getting worried and he woke me up about half an hour ago. He tried to call you and text you until he found out your phone was still at your house, it was just downstairs.' She smirks. 'He was pretty damn stressed, it was funny to see. But so he woke me up and basically forced me to get you. He said he wouldn't do it himself because you were probably mad at him.' Good guess.

'Jul, I know you're not okay so please tell me why and what because it feels like I am talking to a brick wall.' I look down. I don't want to hurt my best friend but I don't want to go back either. I decide to tell her my story with Mikaela. She deserves to know, she's my best friend.

'He reminds me of this very, um, let's call her a horrible person', I say. 'Tal isn't a girl.' I look at my best friend and can't help but give her a half-smile.

'Well, her name was Mikaela and we were best friends since we were like, eight. We literally lived in each others houses. Her house was mine and the other way round. She had been acting a little  bit strange, like not coming over every week for our weekly movie night. She came up with lame excuses, but I bought it. I had this weird feeling in my gut, though. Then, on her birthday, she invited me over for a sleepover. I thought it was just the two of us, but she had invited the popular girls as well. Since she was pretty, they didn't bully her. I wasn't, so they did bully me and she knew about it.' 

I sigh and I feel myself thinking about what I heard there. It was just the beginning of the worst year of my life. 

'When are you going to tell her?' I hear a girl sneer. Probably the blond and popular Ally. She hates me the most. 'I don't know. I will soon, I promise.' That was definitely Mikaela. What was she going to tell who? 'Hurry up, or your little dream won't be fulfilled.' That was one of the twins. They don't really look alike, but they both have Ally's back. Always. 

'I will soon, but it's hard, I've known her pretty long and she really clings to me. It's not easy to get rid of that pig.' That was Mik. Who were they talking about? It's not nice of Mikaela to get rid of someone she has known for so long... Wait? Could they be talking about me? I feel tears well up. Mikaela was somewhat distant for the last few weeks. I am nearly crying, but I don't want those girls to see me weak. I have done that once, with Mikaela and apparently, people don't go well with seeing people weak. 

'Hellllooooo? Are you still there? Your name really is Julia, right? You haven't been responding to it for the last ten minutes or so. Wait. I have a better idea. We're going to get milkshakes!' Mer rambles. I pull her into a close hug. She is a bit surprised, but she throws her arms around me as well. 'Well, I think your new name is going to be Milkshake from now on,' she mumbles to herself and I smile slightly. 

I just hope so badly she isn't going to leave me. I'll at least have someone. Since my parents sometimes don't pay attention to me, it's very nice to feel loved by at least one person.