Bex

Chapter 5:

I rolled over in my bed and snuggled my face closer to my pillow. I sighed as I blinked my eyes open. For a few minutes I just laid in bed and enjoyed the calming quiet. I had almost forget the drama of yesterday... almost. At first I told myself it was all just a bad dream- just a terrible, terrible dream.

I sat up in bed and watched some sunlight peak through the curtains on my window. I got up out of my bed, so I could sit on my window seat and enjoy the sun's warmth. I pulled the curtains back and looked down at our pristine yard. I could see the sprinklers going off, birds flying around trees, the rows of violets against the house.

See, everything is ok. It was all just a bad dream.

Suddenly I felt like my nose was getting runny. I quickly wiped under my nose and when my fingers came back they were stained red. My eyes widened; I ran to my adjoined bathroom.

I slammed my clean fingers against the light switch. When the lights came on, I saw a stream of blood pouring from my right nostril. I yanked off a piece of toilet paper and stuck it up my nose as I tilted my head back.

No, no, no, no, no! This isn't real! This isn't real!

I squeezed my eyes shut hoping that when I opened them again I would be back in my bed. But no such luck. This was real- this wasn't a dream, but it was certainly a nightmare.

After about five minutes, my nose finally stopped bleeding. I hid the bloody toilet paper at the bottom of the trash can and washed my hands. I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I saw shoulder length brown hair, big brown eyes, and skin slightly pale from fear. All of this soon became blurry from the tears threatening to fall. I tried to blink them back; suddenly I'm tired, so tired I could feel it in my bones.

I laid back down in my bed and the quiet no longer felt calming- it was deafening now. I put my earbuds in and turned on some music from my phone.

How could this be happening to me? I think I'm a pretty decent person- I've always followed the rules, listened to adults, helped others as much as I can. So why me?

Daydream by Ruelle started playing on my phone. I let out a pitiful laugh. No one would ever guess in a billion years that Rebecca Woods loves alternative music- not even Tyler. But I remembered the few times I would turn it on and dance around my room, and Ben would call it my 'good girl gone bad music.' As the bass picked up, I found my emotions doing the same.

  I'm too young to have cancer! My life hasn't even begun! I've always done what was expected of me: Rebecca the good girl, the girl who spends her weekends with a book, the teacher's pet, the nerd. Rebecca Woods doesn't have a rebellious bone in her body.

"Uggghhhhhh!" I threw a pillow across my room.

I've been playing it safe since I could crawl. I have been living my life in this safe little bubble where I keep to myself. It's not fair that I could die before I actually live!

  "Haven't you ever thought about being bad?"

I don't know why Axel's words popped into my head, but I couldn't stop playing them over and over again.

  "Haven't you ever wondered about what it would be like to throw caution to the wind- to live a little?"

  I had to admit, even though he is a complete jerk, there was an appeal to his words. Why can't I live a little- I'm probably gonna die, so why not? Why not let go and throw caution to the wind?