Bex

Chapter 4:

  "Cancer? I have... cancer?" My words passed through numb lips; I felt hollow.

  "Leukemia to be exact."

  I barely registered his words. I felt like I was a million miles away. I couldn't see him or the doctor's office.

  "I have cancer."

  "I know this is difficult to hear-" Dr. Jackson's face was steady but sorrowful.

  Then everything clicked.

  "I- I can't have cancer!" I stood up on shaky legs. "I can't!" I pleaded more then I shouted.

  Dr. Jackson gently grabbed my arms, and I let him sit me down. "I'm so sorry, Rebecca."

  I felt each word like a blow to my chest. It was getting harder to breath, and I could feel the heat of tears behind my eyes.

  No, don't cry here. Not right now. Just keep it together for a little while longer.

  "But I can get better, right? I can be cured, can't I?"

  "There is a possibility, but I have to warn you, leukemia is a tougher cancer to cure. But it is treatable." His steady eyes held mine, and I was determined to keep mine steady as well.

  "Okay." I nodded my head.

  "We can set up an appointment soon so we can discuss treatment plans. We also need to determine what kind of leukemia you have, so we can go about how we should treat you."

  "Okay..."

  Dr. Jackson pulled a clipboard off of the desk in the middle of the room.

  "According to your chart, you're no longer a minor, so I have to respect patient-doctor confidentiality." He raised his eyes from the clipboard to look at me. "But I would recommend telling your parents. This isn't something someone should go through alone, Rebecca."

  But the joke was on him, I wasn't an adult. I silently thanked the nurse who messed up my birth certificate. I want my parents to know about this on my own terms. I was close enough to being an adult anyway; I turned seventeen a couple months ago. 

  "I will. I just need some time." I tried to give him a small smile and failed.

  "Of course, of course." He trained those friendly green eyes on me. "Before you leave I want to know how you're feeling- physically that is."

  I shrugged. "I feel normal."

  "No symptoms? No nosebleeds, fainting spells, bruising?"

  "No, I feel the same as always." I said. "Will that happen to me? All of those symptoms?"

  He didn't meet my eyes when he nodded his head.

  I sucked in a breath and held it for a minute before I let it out. "Thank you for giving me a heads up."

  After I left Dr. Jackson's office, I made an appointment to see him in a week. I did really well until I got to the underground parking lot. I borrowed my father's black Ferrari; I tried to put the key in the ignition, but my hand was shaking so hard I dropped the key.