Bex

Chapter 16:

Ben was giving me a ride home, but I suggested we go to Annie's, the small bakery about three miles from our neighborhood, so we could talk. I wanted to try to make things right with him. He was silent for the whole drive, and I didn't push him into a conversation. I was lost in thought about the kiss me and Axel shared. I was trying to come up with his motive; we didn't have an audience to sell the whole dating charade to, so what? Was he still working the whole "I'll get you to fall in love with me" angle?

"I've wanted to do that since you kissed me in the parking lot."

  The words sent chills of desire running down my spine then, as they did now. I couldn't honestly believe he had meant that- could I? His words sounded sincere enough, but I had a feeling I wasn't the only one who was hiding things.

  After our kiss he walked me to my class; I accused my tardiness on my bladder. Either my teacher actually bought my excuse, or she was too tired to care, because she just gave me a warning. I asked Axel how he would get home before I entered the classroom; he told me one of his friends would drop him off and not to worry about it. His lips twitched into a smile before he started to walk in the opposite direction to his class.

Annie's wasn't very popular with people around our age; most of the Alex Prep girls tend to stick to salad and water. Oh, how deprived they are! It was cozy and warm in the bakery. It was quirkily decorated with different colors of furniture, from puffy yellow sitting chairs to teal stools. And a cute chalkboard sign, with the whole menu on it, hung behind the counter.

Me and Ben got our usual: two cups of coffee with extra cream and a cherry danish for us to split. We haven't came as often as we used to these past few weeks. It felt nice to come back. The barista behind the counter smiled at us, causing her lip ring to tug her bottom lip down slightly, handing us our order.

We took a seat in the corner of the almost completely empty bakery. I curled my legs up under me in the suede fuchsia chair, arranging my skirt over my knees. Ben sat in a wooden back chair across from me; he set our coffees and danish on the table that separated us.

I grabbed my mug and took tiny sips, too eager to wait for it to cool down. Its richness collided smoothly on my tongue. Ben still hadn't said a word.

"Ben? I'm sorry."

"I know, and I'm not mad anymore." Ben's hazel eyes met mine through his long lashes. "I just don't want you getting hurt."

"It was a stupid mistake that won't happen again, I promise." I reached for his hand and rubbed my thumb over his knuckles, a soothing and apologetic gesture.

"He's not a good influence on you, Becca." Ben's eyes went hard, and I removed my hand.

"That's kind of the whole point, Ben." I ran my finger around the rim of my mug, not meeting his eyes.

  I knew how he felt about Axel, I just hoped Ben wouldn't start resenting me for keeping up the dating charade.

  "I still can't wrap my head around why you want be like this. I liked you just the way you were." I looked up at that. I know he didn't mean for his words to sting, but they did. As if he had read my thoughts, I saw him flinch slightly.

  "This is who I want to be." I wanted to be strong and free and defiant. Someone who wouldn't get pushed around anymore. "Do you still like me now?" I couldn't meet his eyes again. I can look at him and tell what he's thinking- like he can with me- I didn't think I could hold back the tears if I saw resentment in his eyes.